Thursday, December 1, 2016

Tips for Equating BLM with the KKK

Thanks to Tomi Lahren appearing on The Daily Show last night, the comparison of the BLM movement to the KKK has resurfaced and is gaining popularity.
…We see y’all. We know what you’re doing.
This is not the first time that organized groups of color have been equated with the KKK. Just look at the original Black Panthers, La Raza, the NAACP, SNCC, and pretty much any other group that fought for equality for people of color. It’s funny that people think we’re so scary and have the power to pull off what the Ku Klux Klan has done to this country. I want to help the people who wish to make this claim legitimate. Here are some pointers on how to make the [minority group]/KKK comparison sound more believable:
After saying, “BLM is just like the KKK”, point out the many incidents when BLM rode in the night and put burning B’s on white people’s front lawns because they moved into predominantly black neighborhoods.
Give examples of the times that the NAACP members joined police forces and arrested white people for crimes as little as not nodding their heads to black people.
Show how La Raza covertly and sometimes openly got elected to various parts of the justice system so that they could prosecute and and punish white people in kangaroo courts.
Provide pictures of the members of SNCC leading raids on white people’s homes to kidnap, the residents, castrate and torture them, and then gleefully burn them alive or hang them while others take pictures, all because of false claims of them robbing or raping an innocent black woman.
Tell me all the times when the Black Panthers, in efforts to stem the voting rights of white people, not only got elected to loncal municipalities to pass language and grandfather clauses for voting, and when that didn’t work, started bombing white churches, not caring if anyone was in the church or not.
Once you can do any of these things, THEN your claim that BLM is the new KKK will be valid.
Actually, one more thing: Name all the black people who helped the KKK start up in the first place, and show me all the times that equality groups of color excluded white people from their ranks. The fact is that nearly every group of color welcomed white allies in their ranks, including the original Black Panthers. Groups of color have been all inclusive regardless of their names, because they know what it is like to be excluded. Even our fraternities and sororities have some white people in them. None of them sang on a bus about how they’d sooner hang a white guy than allow them into AFA.
Now, I’m well aware that riots have erupted from some BLM protests. I recognize that destruction of property is not a great way to get your point across. Leaders in BLM explicitly and immediately disavow these people who dare incite violence in their names. The movement is nonviolent. People sometimes are not. No one in BLM chanted to kill cops. Those who did are not part of the movement. If you are so disdainful of the violence that sparked after some protests (violence that often started with people not associated with the marches), then where is your disdain for people who riot when their teams win, or when their teams lose, or when it’s Decorative Gourd Season, or when that a head coach of a football team gets fired for covering up child rape? BLM are asking for respect, and that is unreasonable, but sports teams, pumpkins and getting punished for covering up child rape is just “releasing stress”?
Murderers of cops are NOT part of the movement. They may have co-opted its name, much like Susan G. Komen co-opted the Breast Cancer Awareness movement. The people who killed cops and claimed they were exacting revenge in the name of BLM have also been shown to have no actual ties to BLM. Anyone can claim that they are part of something that they are not to commit crimes. If you really  cared about the lives of cops, you’d be more concerned that nearly three quarters of police officers were killed by white men, not black people.
Some will say that if I am decrying these people co-opting the cause, then I should afford the same benefit of the doubt for Trump regarding his neo-nazi and KKK endorsements. The difference is that the BLM movement IMMEDIATELY DECRIED the actions of those who did fucked up things in their names. Trump first pretended he didn’t know who David Duke was even though he did, was silent about their endorsements throughout the campaign, and then FINALLY denounced them and people’s actions, but then hired at LEAST two white supremacists to his cabinet. Actions speak much louder than his words.

So once you can point out the times that groups of color actively and successfully oppressed the rights of white people, then you can call them “black supremacists” or “reverse racists” or whatever inane neologisms you like, and I’ll be happy to agree. Until then, just admit that you don’t like it when brown people talk.

Friday, November 18, 2016

Trump's Tenure Prediction: Same as It Ever Was

I felt the same amount of mild panic and anguish that everyone who was anti-Trump felt when he crossed the Electoral threshold to become our next President Elect. What happens now? Will he implement all the things he claimed that he would, even the unconstitutional ones? How did the candidate that was backed by the KKK and the American Nazi Party win? That alone should be a deal breaker! WTF, America?
The next day, hate crimes spiked. Muslim women in hijab were forcibly uncovered. Gay Pride flags were burned on people's own property. Bullies in school have gotten cocky. Swastikas abound. A few of my friends were harassed in the street regarding their voting rights being taken away. Someone slowed down his PT Cruiser to tell me to get a job and call me a dumb [something] monkey, doubling the flow of my racist period. I usually only get called a racial epithet once a month, and I thought I had already met my quota when earlier in the week someone told called me a “dumb nigger” for thinking that CSS is a programming language...which is something I never claimed…
Protests popped up everywhere, some of them violent. The vitriol online hit a high I had not seen since...the last presidential election. Besides racist conservative assholes calling Michelle Obama an “ape in heels” and sexist liberal assholes sharing more nude pictures of Melania Trump, the arguments amongst my friends and acquaintances yielded many hurt feelings and blocked former friends. I had to take a break from participating in social media for a week or so. I only observed, just to keep up with the news.
The future will always be uncertain, but after about two weeks, it doesn't look like much will change. I’m sure many will disagree, given some of Trump’s initial appointments to his cabinet. Steve Bannon is to be Chief of Staff. Former CEO of Breitbart Steve Bannon is reviled as a rabid anti-semite, but that is an unfair description. Steve Bannon is a rabid racist and misogynist as well. He likely has rabies. He presided over a “news” organization that would be able to demonize minorities, no matter how innocuous the story. A story that would headline here on Earth-1 as “Chicago Teen Saves Kitten from Burning Pet Store” would headline in Bannon’s Earth-1849 as “BLM Thug Loots Innocent Cat From Building He Just Burned”. He recently stated that there are too many Asian CEOs in Silicon Valley, and that they may disrupt civic society. The fact is that there is only 1 Asian executive per 201, but that is likely one too many for Bannon. He has found someone else to scapegoat for any of his shortcomings. Congratulations, Asians. You’re the new Jews.
Trump also picked Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions for Attorney General. If the word “Alabama” wasn’t enough of a clue, Jeff Sessions is one of the US Senate’s most prominent bigoted pieces of shit, likely second only to Iowa Senator Steve King. Sessions is a champion of anti-amnesty programs. His racist apologies for the KKK cost him federal judgeship. He is anti-abortion, and anti-women’s rights in general. And if there were anyone who would spearhead a Muslim registry program, Sessions is definitely the “man” to do it.
Despite these two appointments, I still don’t think much will change. I say this, because even before January, Trump is rolling back on some of the things he said during the race. Remember when he said Hillary Clinton should be in jail? On 60 Minutes he did a 180, stating that she couldn’t have been a nicer person, and her family is beautiful. He rolled back his staunch “repeal and replace” rhetoric on Obamacare. Even his promise to build a wall on the Mexican Border is faltering. Now he says that he’d be OK with a fence. We should have expected that. His entire campaign was founded on offense. I AM NOT SORRY ABOUT THAT PUN. Despite his choices of white supremacists for AG and and Chief of Staff, his initial choice for CoS was Reince Priebus. The supposedly anti-establishment, outside-the -Beltway candidate chose the head of the Republican National Committee as a cabinet member. How anti-establishment will you be if YOU HIRE THE ESTABLISHMENT? Moreover, when he met with Obama, every image of them together was of Obama sitting tall and proud, and Trump slouched like he had been defeated. I know this look. This is what fuckboys do when they talk about you LOUD behind your back, but can’t bear to look you in the eye. I saw this look in a dude who called me a nigger as I was riding my bike, but was meek as a kitten when I rode up on the sidewalk and demanded that he repeat himself. Trump obviously is out of his depth, and he knows it. He has not been inaugurated yet, and he’s already a mess. Therefore, I’m not as worried about this Trump-transition. That does NOT mean, though, that things will be better.
Simply by virtue of the amount of hate crimes and harassment by emboldened bigots in the first week of the election, I can tell that white supremacy will be a little bit more normalized, kind of like the way it was prior to the 21st Century. I should expect to be called “nigger” bi-weekly instead of monthly. If Sessions is going to be Attorney General, we should expect all the investigations into police bias and sexual assault on campuses and in education institutions will stop, because Sessions doesn’t give a damn about women or black people. Homophobic bigots will be able to hide behind their hate by claiming “state’s rights” or “religious liberty”, just the way racist bigots did in the 1960s. I know what to expect, but that doesn’t mean we should be resigned to it. It means we now know what we need to do to combat it.
I saw a lot of my white friends distraught over the Trump win. How could (less than) half of America vote for someone who is such an anathema to America’s promise of equality? My friends of color saw this as a phenomenon called “Tuesday”, though. We’ve been talking about this stuff for decades. Trump’s greatest achievement prior to even becoming president was to show liberal white people who were doubtful of marginalized people’s claims that bigotry in America is alive, well, and festering in the open. This is not to say that all Trump voters are racist, misogynist, anti-Muslim, homophobic bigots. Some of them just don't give a fuck about people of color, women, non-Christians, or the LGBT community. They claim it's about the economy, and we must take them at their word. They think that electing someone who bankrupted businesses, cheated people out of pay for their work, and ran his businesses like pyramid schemes or straight up racketeering fronts is the remedy to a president who cut the national deficit by $1 trillion and fomented continual job growth. For some, money > people's lives. Don't you feel better for know who they are? It is callous to say that everything will be all right (I am guilty of saying it myself), but trust me, we’ve survived dismissive leaders since Thomas Jefferson’s initiation of the #AllLivesMatter movement. We’ll survive this. But we won’t by sitting on our asses and doing nothing.
Minorities of all races, religions, creeds, and genders, you have to be EXTRA whatever you are. For the next 4 years, I’m going to be black as fuck. No...I’m going to be black as FUUUUCCCKKKK! I’m replacing my white noise machine with an endless loop of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King speeches. My alarm is going to be Public Enemy’s “Fight the Power”. I’m gonna talk through ALL your movies,drop ebonics ALL through my vernacular, bump my music loud and bass heavy, write revolutionary slam poetry, do my taxes on time, dance through TSA Pre-Check, all types of black shit. I encourage other groups to do it up, too. Ladies, woman UP. Gays, SLAY. Latinos, Viva le Revolucion! Jews, get Schwifty! Muslims, Hijab so hard [I have no idea how that would look]. And if you see someone getting shit, DEFEND YOUR COMRADES. If you are not a straight white man, you are a target for derision in Trump’s America. We all need to be allies in this world. Our humanity is at stake. And ss much as I hate to say it, Trump and his constituents are right. We need to stop being politically correct. Stop calling it the “alt-right”. Call it what it is: white supremacist shit-baggery. Bannon isn’t a leader of the alt-right. He’s a white supremacist bag of human filth!

This is how we’ll survive the next four years. I’m sure that the Dems in Congress will be as obstructionist AF. Send RBG gift baskets of protein bars and fruit. Make your voice hear during the mid-term elections, and look out for your fellow humans. We got through Plessy v. Ferguson, through Japanese Internment, through that shitty Dick Tracy cartoon, through the failure of the Equal RIghts Act. We’ll get through this, and we’ll be better for it.

Friday, November 4, 2016

The Pristine Republican President: A Short Film

[IN 2007, AFTER THE LACKLUSTER EXCITEMENT OF GEORGE HW BUSH, THE SEX SCANDALS OF BILL CLINTON, AND THE DRUNK DRIVING CONVICTIONS AND SEEMINGLY UNRULY CHILDREN OF GEORGE W BUSH, Carl Gets ON HIS KNEES AND PRAYs.]
CARL: Are you there God? It’s me, Carl.
GOD: Yes, my son.
CARL: OH MY YOU! YOU ANSWERED!
GOD: See, this is why I stopped making house calls after my son died. You humans always lose your minds. Calm down! Tell me why you called for me, Carl. What do you request?
CARL: I just wish for a future truly Republican president, definitely a man. a Christian.
GOD: You already have that. You’ve had that since 1789. It’s been a consistent thing.
CARL: Yes, but how about one who has a pristine record, like no lingering sex scandals.
GOD: OHHH! Ok, I can provide that.
CARL: But…can he be young and exciting, who will get the youth excited?
GOD: A Young man in the 21st Century WITHOUT and weird sex scandals? Oy vey…
CARL: What?
GOD: Nevermind. I still can do this. I’m God! Any other requests?
CARL: Really?! Ooh! OK, he has to have roots in conservative communities, like say, Kansas or something. His wife has to be beautiful no matter what age she is. When he gets in the White House, his wife should put her head down and focus on something like gardening or something innocuous like that. It would be nice if he has a sweet mother-in-law who moves into the White House, too. He should have adorable children, and maybe a dog! He should know the Constitution inside and out, like if he studied it for years, but he still needs to express devout Christian views when talking about people. He should be hard on immigration. Deport as many “illegals” as possible, no matter what the circumstances! Bomb the shit out of the Middle East! Just like we said right after 9/11: “Bomb them all, and let YOU sort it out!” Also under him, job growth should skyrocket within 8 years, get us out of the recession we’re in. We need to make the economy great again. Also, maybe create a health plan like the ones Republicans proposed back in the 1980s that keeps the insurance companies in business, because universal healthcare too commie-like.
GOD: That is a lot to ask, but I’ll take care of it.
CARL: Thank you, Lord!
[1 YEAR LATER, OBAMA IS ELECTED.]
CARL: NOOOOOO!!!!
[CARL CRIES FOR 8 YEARS. HIS TEARS ARE DELICIOUS. IN 2015, CARL PRAYS TO GOD AGAIN.]
CARL: God? Are you there?
GOD: For the umpteenth time, I’m ALWAYS there. Will you please look up “omniscience”?
CARL: But it has the word, “science” in it!
GOD: (Oh my Me. This dude…) What to you want, Carl?
CARL: I was wondering how you were doing with that pristine President I asked for? I assumed that the last 8 years of Obama was the trials and tribulations before you brought forth the true Republican candidate, but these guys don’t look that great, and Carly Fiorina is a girl.
GOD: Oh but, Carl, I gave you exactly what you wanted. He’s a president with no sex scandals who is young and gets the youth excited for him. He has roots in not one, but TWO conservative communities, including Kansas. His wife is beautiful and seemed to not age. When he got to the White House, his wife put her head down and focused on gardening or something innocuous like exercise. His sweet mother-in-law moved into the White House for a while, too. He has adorable children, and he got a dog. He knows the Constitution inside and out so much that he is a Constitutional lawyer. He still expresses devout Christian views when talking about people. He’s hard on immigration. He’s deported so many “illegals” no matter what the circumstances, he is nicknamed the “Deporter in Chief”! He bombs the shit out of the Middle East. Just like you said right after 9/11: “Bomb them all, and let ME sort it out!” (Thanks for the extra paperwork, by the way, dick.) Also under him, job growth should skyrocketed within 8 years, he got you out of the recession we’re in. The budget deficit fell from $1.4 trillion to $486 BILLION. He made the economy great again. Also he signed a health plan like the ones Republicans proposed back in the 1980s, and it keeps the insurance companies in business, because you said that universal healthcare too “commie-like”.
CARL: But…but…NOOOOOOO!!!!
GOD: HahaHAAA! Careful what you wish for, bitch! You just got PUNKED! Also, since I have all the power of the universe, I can change genders any time I want! I was in ALL your bathrooms! Old Testament God is BACK, Fools!”

[CARL CRIES FOR 8 MORE YEARS. HIS TEARS REPLENISH THE CALIFORNIA RESERVOIR.]

Thursday, November 3, 2016

How Dumb Your "SJW" Insult Is, As Explained in SWV Singles.

Dear Idiots,
When you get into an argument with me, and you call me an “SJW”, you are not insulting me.
The second you say SJW, my brain initially registers it as “SWV”, which is Sisters with Voices, which was one of my favorite R&B groups of the 1990s. I’m humming “Downtown” as I write this, so your attempt to make me Lose My Cool has failed before I’ve even started to parse what it actually means.
When This Feeling of nostalgia subsides, I STILL don’t get insulted.  SJW stands for “Social Justice Warrior”. Is that really bad? I’m sure you think that you’re making it Rain on my parade, but Can We just break down what your intent is, and how you actually keep my Soul Intact? You’re TRYING and failing to make my speaking up for blacks, Latinos, women, LGBTQ people, handicapped people, non-Christians, etc. fleetingly “trendy”, as if I’m sidling up to a group du jour and Co-Signing on their platforms, but then next week is a New Beginning, and I'll glom onto another cause and act like I was Right Here the whole time. Whatcha Need to know is that I’m black and Latino and non-Christian. That’s three of the groups for which I’m fighting. That means I have a PERSONAL VESTED INTEREST in ensuring the safety and fair treatment of THREE of these groups of human beings for which you think I’m not advocating just because it’s a Fine Time. And my support for the other groups of people is because I see that the unfairness I experience also happens in parallel to others. You think I’m Weak for wanting to help other people, But if you Use Your Heart, perhaps you’d be a little bit less myopic. I wish to help others, because I’m NOT AN ASSHOLE. You’re “accusing” me of caring about other people beside myself. Good job; you’ve deemed me a loser because I Love Unconditionally.
Even if my dedication were as fleeting as you’d like to depict, let’s look at SJWs throughout history. Every one of them was on the right side of history. Your implication is that Someone who takes up a cause for Anything related to social equality is an SJW. So Frederick Douglass was an SJW, and his name is on schools everywhere. Susan B. Anthony was an SJW, and she was one of FOUR women in the history of the US to bless the face of US currency. Martin Luther King CALLED himself a warrior for justice. Nobel Motherfucking Prize. Harriet Tubman fought in the Civil War and freed hundreds of slaves. She's about to to oust a slave-owning bigot from his place on the $20 bill. I could go on All Night Long. They’re Always On My Mind. They risked their lives to Release Some Tension in the world. Ain’t No Man (or woman) made a name for themselves by not giving a fuck…Except maybe Nero.
So you call me an “SJW” as if it were an insult. If You Only Knew how ridiculous you sound, perhaps you’d step up your insult game. You won’t, though, because deep down you are selfish, and It’s All About U. At worst, you want to turn the clock back to when you Think you’re Going to Like It, but what you neglect to realize is that the brunt of the work to make your life easier was on the backs of the groups who now think It’s About Time to Come and Get Some parity in the world, after years of inequality. You’re the One who looks foolish. And when we DO make strides, I hope that our work doesn’t Keep You Home. Come voice your grievances! That’s What I’m Here For. I need to collect your tears When U Cry. I won’t say That’s What I Need to keep me going, but it definitely helps me see how I’m doing, and what I’m doing is working.
…Human Nature Radio Remix.
Love,
Me.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

NO SEXY HITLER, and Other Halloween Tips

Dear white people,
Halloween is only days away, which means it’s time for my letter to you, imploring that you take serious consideration when choosing your costumes. Most of you are just going to go as David Pumpkins or “sexy” David Pumpkins, but for those of you who want to think outside the box, here are some tips that will make your Halloween as pleasant as possible:
  1. NO HARAMBE. Just…come on, bro. So played.
  2. DO YOU NEED BLACK FACE PAINT FOR YOUR COSTUME? ARE YOU GOING AS THE APPLE iPOD SHADOW? THEN YOU DON’T NEED BLACK FACE PAINT FOR THAT COSTUME.
    1. This goes for brown face paint as well. You’d better damn well be 1987-2009 Michael Jackson. We’ll handle the 1958-1986 Michael Jackson.
    2. “But what about authenticity of the character? It’s an homage!” Motherfucker, if you and your friends go as the original Ghostbusters, and you are wearing a small afro, we’ll figure out that you’re supposed to be Winston Zeddemore. What you should REALLY be asking yourself is why don’t you have any black friends to pick up the mantel?
    3. “How do I explain to my kid that he can’t put on brown makeup to flesh out his Mr. T costume?” First of all, how does your dumb kid know who Mr. T is? Are you dressing him for him or for your 1980s nostalgia? Second, I had to learn the hard way about the perils of racism before I was 5 years old. Your kid is overdue for a nice controlled lesson, and that is YOUR fault, Harold.
  3. AVOID THE BAGS O’ RACISM.
    1. When you go to the pop-up strip mall Halloween stores, when you get past the “sexy” ironing boards and the officially licensed Disney/Marvel costumes, There are the “south of the border” and the “sexy squaw” and the “yellow fever” costumes. They’re usually mixed bags of multiple cultures who “look alike”. Avoid these bags of racism like the plague. Unless, of course, you’re an oblivious asshole. Harold.
  4. IF YOUR ANCESTORS TOOK PART IN OCCUPYING/COLONIZING A COUNTRY, DON’T WHERE THE GARB OF THE COLONIZED COUNTRY AS A COSTUME.
    1. If you are a descendant of The United Kingdom, Portugal, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, Austria, Belgium, the Netherlands, Norway, Brandenburg, Sweden, Russia, Greece, Turkey, Switzerland, or the United States, maybe don’t dress like the people they brought to, or the indigenous peoples of, Australia, New Zealand, Hawaii, St. Thomas, Barbados, Jamaica, Haiti, Antigua, Dominica, Canada, Mexico, Peru, Panama, Saint Croix, Grenada, Montserrat, Puerto Rico, Tobago, Trinidad, Guadeloupe, Guiana, Brazil, Suriname, Argentina, Chile, Bolivia, Colombia, Paraguay, Panama, Uruguay, Venezuela, Congo, Swaziland, Egypt, Sudan, Cameroon, Somalia, Togo, Madagascar, Gambia, Nigeria, Sierre Leone, South Africa, Ghana, Zimbabwe, Tanzania, Namibia, Benin, Equatorial Guinea, Burkina Faso, Mali, Djibouti, Cote d’Ivoire, Mauritania, Morocco, Tunisia, Rwanda, Burundi, Eritrea, Senegal, Angola, Mombasa, Cape Verde, Mozambique, Liberia, Qatar, Bahrain, Iraq, Oman, Palestine, Lebanon, Yemen, Azerbaijan, Armenia, Georgia, India, Pakistan, Myanmar, Bangladesh, Brunei, Fiji, Singapore, Tonga, Hong Kong, Samoa, Borneo, China, Indochina, Vietnam, Japan, Laos, Taiwan, or the Philippines….man, your ancestors were busy as fuck.
    2. You CAN still dress as the indigenous folk of Antarctica, because fuck penguins. However, if your friend says he’s from Antarctica and dresses as a Polar Bear, he’s racist as fuck. Polar bears are in the ARCTIC, Harold.
  5. DON’T DRESS LIKE A DOMESTICALLY VIOLENT SEXUAL PREDATOR
    1. Your Bill Cosby with a jigger, Ray Rice, Ben Roethlisberger, Woody Allen with an Asian doll, Donald Trump grabbing a cat, etc. costumes are fucking stupid.
  6. DON’T SLUT SHAME THE SEXY COSTUMES
    1. America’s absurd ability to sexualize ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING comes to fruition on Halloween. I lost all chill when I saw a “sexy Elmo” costume. Why? Just…Why????? However, I think Americans take sex too seriously at times, which leads to things taboo that are not and things excessive shaming of people who don’t deserve it. Treat Halloween like “Straight Pride Day”. Who cares if your Batwoman costume is just a black corset and bat pasties? Ignore the shamers, and do whatever the hell you like…but NO SEXY HITLER. Please refer to Tips 2, 3, and 4.
Hopefully, this will help you have a good night. If you don’t heed my advice, and someone leads a bar-wide chant of, “FUCK THIS DUDE”, while pointing at your busted costume until you leave, or if someone throws their beer in your face, please don’t get too mad. I’ll claim I have a nervous twitch. If you have any questions, my door is open. I’ll be dressed as Samuel L. Jackson this year, as with every year. If you come up to someone dressed as Morpheus, not only will I not help you, I will flip you off for not knowing your black people. We don’t all look alike. Harold.
Love,
Your Friends of Color
#FOCLife


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