Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Coloureds, Women, and the Gay Addenda, Part III

I specifically hate homophobes. There are so many. If you’re straight, homophobes will just say really offensive anti-gay things, and if you take exception to it, then they don’t understand why, because you’re straight, right? Either that or you’re obviously gay, because you’re offended. It doesn’t work that way. I’m offended by it because you de-humanised a group of people. My anger makes me want to de-humanise them by snake-punching them in the throat, but that would be uncivilised. The worst offenders are the religious zealots. “It says in Leviticus blah blah blah that homosexuality is a SIN!” Yeah, but the same book forbids eating pork and has a guide for treating your slave. What about that, chubs? You want to get that ham hock out of your mouth and stop beating your “rent-boy”?

In reality, the religious zealots don’t piss me off as much as the conspiracy theorists. They’re as bad as the “black olive/green olive” people. There’s “gay” everywhere they look. Bert & Ernie are an abomination. Spongebob Squarepants is gay. The purple Teletubby is gay…actually, he probably is gay. What I want to know is why are all these conspiracy buffs watching so many cartoons? Is this what they watch while they’re putting roofies in the communion wine in prep for the children’s sermon?...too soon?

The homosexuals are trying to turn our kids gay! Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was repealed! Now we’re going to lose all the wars we unjustifiably started!

They’re going to ruin our marriage! No, “Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire” ruined marriage long before any homosexual ever did…Well, “Millionaire” and Anna Nicole Smith. But seriously, if you want to see what a ruined marriage institution looks like, volunteer for House of Ruth for a month. Go to an ICU and see a wife that burnt the toast too much, and was thanked by having her arms broken, or her face bashed until she resembled a pumpkin, or was repeatedly raped because hell, she married ‘im, that means she’s his! This is the institution that homophobes are trying to protect. This has been going on for hundreds of years. Women were property, not equal partners.

Someone tried to proselytize me, warning of the vast gay “addenda”. I thought I misheard, but he definitely said “addenda”. So on top of the LGBT crowd putting gay powder in my eggs and gaying up my cartoons, I have to worry about them secretly putting extra stipulations in already-notarised contracts? That’s the only thing I can think gay “addenda” would be.

I think the bottom line is this: if you are going to not like a certain group of people, then have a damn good reason, and back it up with fact. Ask this: are their existence and their actions infringing on your right to do whatever you want to do? No? Then shut the f*** up, and get yourself a vasectomy. You shouldn’t procreate. Instead of spending all that time hating people who are different, everyone should learn more about each other individually. Then, you’ll find a myriad of good reasons to hate each other besides their ethnicity or religion or gender.

4 comments:

  1. Dude, I also like the one how gay couples should not be allowed to raise children because, their kids will turn out gay. Because everyone knows straight couples only raise straight kids, right?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dude, I also like the one how gay couples should not be allowed to raise children because, their kids will turn out gay. Because everyone knows straight couples only raise straight kids, right?

    ReplyDelete

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