Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Santorum/Clinton Connection

Rick Santorum has spewed a lot of s*** in his road to the Next Not-Romney...that may or may not be a gross pun. Let's review some of his stalwart statements:
"In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be." -interview in 2003 (I believe this is the quote that brought about the Santorum neologism. Thank you, Dan Savage.)
"I don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money." -campaigning for president in Iowa (January 2012)
"I think the Democrats are actually worried he (Obama) may go to Indonesia and bow to more Muslims." –Fox News interview (May 2010)
"[Gay marriage] is an issue just like 9-11… We didn’t decide we wanted to fight the war on terrorism because we wanted to. It was brought to us. And if not now, when? When the supreme courts in all the other states have succumbed to the Massachusetts version of the law?" –interview with the Allentown Morning Call (February 2004)
"The reason Social Security is in big trouble is we don’t have enough workers to support the retirees. Well, a third of all the young people in America are not in America today because of abortion." –during an episode of "America's Next Republican Candidate" (May 2011)
"The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical. And that is what the perception is by the American Left who hates Christendom...What I'm talking about is onward American soldiers. What we're talking about are core American values." –campaigning for president in South Carolina (February 2011). If you recall from your middle school history class, the Crusades were when Christian kingdoms decided they had a right to invade and take over Muslim-controlled territories to fight the "infidels" and gain back the "Christian holy land"...so it was basically the definition of Christendom fighting against Islam.
 "I think the Democrats are actually worried he (Obama) may go to Indonesia and bow to more Muslims." –Fox News interview (May 2010)
"The question is — and this is what Barack Obama didn't want to answer — is that human life a person under the Constitution? And Barack Obama says no. Well if that person — human life is not a person, then — I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, 'We're going to decide who are people and who are not people." -CNS News interview (January 2011)
"President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob!" -Americans for Prosperity Tea Party event in Troy, Michigan (February 2012)
"If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual (gay) sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything." -AP interview, speaking on the Supreme Court decision on Lawrence v. Texas (2003)
Well, you can make the argument that if she doesn’t have this baby, if she kills her child, that that, too, could ruin her life. And this is not an easy choice. I understand that. As horrible as the way that that son or daughter and son was created, it still is her child. And whether she has that child or doesn’t, it will always be her child. And she will always know that. And so to embrace her and to love her and to support her and get her through this very difficult time, I’ve always, you know, I believe and I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you. As you know, we have to, in lots of different aspects of our life. We have horrible things happen. I can’t think of anything more horrible. But, nevertheless, we have to make the best out of a bad situation. -interview with Piers Morgan (February 2012)
I think you get the point. The man has a talent for saying the most conservative thing and incite that vein in the back of your eye to twitch at a frequency that makes it feel like your head explode. There is no way anyone on this earth can be this sexist, homophobic and racist! After all, Jesse Helms has been dead for four years, and Strom Thurmond has been dead for nearly 10. Why is Santorum gaining ground in the polls? He even makes some conservatives cringe!


Then I realised something: Santorum is not running for President. He is vying to be the liberal counterpart to Hillary Clinton. Mention Clinton in a room full of conservatives, and they cringe and spit vitriol about her everywhere. If you say it five times, they actually turn into flying zombie baboons and tear off their own flesh. When the Clintons moved to New York, people actually put signs on their lawn saying they're not welcome there. I thought that it was insane to hate a politician that much. Then came Santorum. I wrote him off after the gay marriage comments, but then he just kept going. The sexist comments, the revision of American history, the veiled racism, the blatant racism, the anti-higher education mantra (all while holding down three higher level degrees), the "you should keep your rape-baby" quote...This man is the epitome of everything I abhor. The thought of him makes me a little sick...and it also makes me think of frothy ass-juice, which also makes me sick. Rick Santorum has positioned himself as the liberal counterpart to Hillary Clinton. I ask the three of you who read this to test my theory: go to a Democratic or Occupy Wall Street rally, and say "Rick Santorum" five times. If everyone there transforms into a slithering water buffalo and try fervently to gouge out their own eyes, then Santorum has met his goal.


Don't worry. Rick Santorum will not be the Republican candidate for President. Thurston Howl, III will still be the final choice. Froth-Money just wants to get something out of this election. That something is notoriety and a permanent spot on a Fox News show.

Friday, February 24, 2012

On Black Churches and Gay Rights: Finally, a Perspective I Can Support.


"I believe that issues of human rights and constitutionality should not be submitted to - we should not base them on public consensus. If slavery had been submitted to referendum, if segregation had been submitted to referendum, then I and many residents of our communities, minorities, wouldn't have many of the opportunities that we have, perhaps.

When it comes to issues of constitutionality, and I believe that's what the federal appeals court said recently as it relates to Prop 8 in California, that when it comes to issues of constitutionality and human rights, these are not issues that should be adjudicated by public consensus.

If it's an issue of recreation, like let's say slots or casinos coming to a particular community or state, I can understand that. But I think that we should be very hesitant about rushing to submitting such an issues to referendum."
-Reverend Delman Coates, senior pastor, Mt. Ennon Baptist Church, on NPR's "Talk of the Nation".
'Nuff said.

...Unfortunately, this is one enlightened pastor in a myriad of bigots who think that the Civil Rights Movement train stopped at the black station, and now no one else can get on.

Maryland, my home state, will hopefully make gay marriage legal, pending a referendum. O'Malley already signed the bill. Do the right thing, Marylanders. Make me proud. F*** H8.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Things to Do for Black History Month.


The month is nearly over, but there is still time to honour Black History Month. Beside remembering prominent African Americans who helped build this society in which we live, we can get proactive and do things for our community. Here are a few things you can do:
  1. Daze of Atonement
    1. Track down Shawn and Marlon Wayans, Tyler Perry, and/or the entire production staff of “Soul Plane”.
    2. Bind them and punch them repeatedly in the bread basket until they are ankle deep in a pool of their own vomit and tears.
    3. Make them publicly apologise to humanity for the cinematic abortions that they brought to the public.
  2. A Night at the Movies
    1. Go see “Red Tails”.
    2. After having seen “Red Tails”, forgive George Lucas for Episodes II and III, but not Episode I. There is no excuse for that…f***ing Jar Jar Binks…
  3. F*** Chuck Norris.
    1. F*** Chuck Norris and Norrisisms. Replace Chuck Norris’ name with that of Angela Bassett. She is strong, smart, and beautiful. The roles she chooses are always those of respect. She even turned down a role that may have garnered her an Oscar, because she deemed the role demeaning, probably because she was going to have to get butt-f***ed by Billy Bob Thornton. Her self-respect is more valuable than a gold statue. Also, I would gladly let her tie me up and beat me with a cat o’ nine tails…so fine…
  4. Set the Record Straight
    1. Tell a Democrat/Republican politician that Martin Luther King, Jr was, in fact, NOT a Democrat/Republican, and they should stop appropriating his name and legacy for political gain.
    2. Direct them to this quote: “Actually, the Negro has been betrayed by both the Republican and the Democratic party. The Democrats have betrayed him by capitulating to the whims and caprices of the Southern Dixiecrats. The Republicans have betrayed him by capitulating to the blatant hypocrisy of reactionary right wing northern Republicans. And this coalition of southern Dixiecrats and right wing reactionary northern Republicans defeats every bill and every move towards liberal legislation in the area of civil rights.”
    3. When they still insist in claiming MLK, glitter-bomb them.
  5. Culinary Conundrums
    1. Be black.
    2. Tell a room full of black people that you don’t like soul food.
    3. Try to get out of the room alive.
    4. Enjoy your lack of early-onset diabetes, because of your disdain for soul food.
    5. Estimate the amount of aneurysms you will cause come Passover time when you tell the people in the room that you are also Jewish.
  6. Pull up your f***ing pants.

Friday, February 3, 2012

"Don't Say Gay"? Don't Get Served.


Stacey Campfield. No, that is not what my porn name would be if I took my middle name and the street on which I was raised. Stacey Campfield is a state senator of Tennessee, who also happens to be the Gingrich Tennessee Campaign co-chair. Stacey is especially known for introducing a bill that would require death certificate for aborted foetuses, and mandating that women of Tennessee who seek abortions get ultrasounds of their wombs prior to the procedure.

Don’t worry, gays, Stacey Campfield doesn’t reserve his disdain just for women! He hates you too! :-D. Campfield introduced a bill that would ban discussions of homosexuality in classroom grades K-8, the nicknamed “Don’t Say Gay” bill. Because if you don’t talk about something, it doesn’t exist! He also claimed that homosexual men pay higher insurance rates due to their risky lifestyles and their low life expectancy…”risky lifestyle” is a euphemism for “butt sex”. Because you all know, gay dudes are always just ramming their dicks up people’s butts, like, all the time! In January, he repeated the claim that a gay male flight attendant f***ed a monkey while in Africa, got AIDS, and spread it to the world. Even in the face of the facts, he hunkered down and stuck to his story.

OK, a few things: (1) What is it with these anti-gay activists focusing strictly on anal sex? Do they have butt fetishes? (2) Would the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, if passed, bar same-sex couples from going to PTA meetings for their children? Must the children of same-sex couples not talk about their parents? (3) By what logic would a flight attendant get off of a plane, and instead of heading to the nearest bar to pick up men (or women), head straight to the jungle and say, “Ooh look, a monkey! I’m gonna f*** it!”?

Perhaps Martha Boggs, owner of the Bistro at the Bayou in Knoxville, TN, had the same questions running through her head as well. When the “good” senator went to her restaurant to eat, he was refused service and asked to leave the premises. Boggs’ reason: "He's gone from being stupid to dangerous. It's just my way of standing up to a bully”. Bravo, Ms Boggs. Should I find myself in Knoxville, I am going patronise the f*** out of your establishment. F*** H8.

As expected, Campfield blogged about the incident and brought up another civil rights movement:
"In the 60's my grandfather sat at the lunch counters with the blacks in Knoxville to help break up the segregation of the races. I guess some people still support segregation…Some people have told me my civil rights were violated under the 1964 civil rights act in that a person cannot be denied service based on their religious beliefs…I just figured this is just another example of the open minded tolerant left. They claim tolerances for divergent points of view.....Until someone actually has one. Then they don't know how to handle it."

Oh, I think they knew how to handle it. After all, you did get you’re a** bounced out of the restaurant. Furthermore, “the blacks”? I am having a hard time believing ANYONE in your family sat with “the blacks” in the 1960’s. Maybe it’s true, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you made up that as well.

The best thing about these anti-gay pundits is that they get very mad when you make comparisons to the Racial Civil Rights Movement and the LGBT fight for equal rights, yet they are so quick to bring up the Civil Rights act and claim their First Amendment rights were violated when someone stands up to them.  To an extent, they’re right; they are being discriminated against, but it’s because they are bigots. Liberals are bigoted against bigots. If you wish to stifle someone’s rights because he/she is different from you and you don’t understand it, then I want nothing to do with you. Don’t get me wrong; you have every right to speak your mind on a subject. Just remember, people have every right to respond to your exercise of free speech, so long as it does not violate your rights. If a wedding planning agency refuses service to gay clientele, the company can’t get mad if the gay clientele initiates a boycott. If you say that gay dude + monkey + butt-f***ing = AIDS, don’t whine when a restaurant owner refuses you service. Just as you’re picking lines of the bible to follow to justify your bigotry, you can’t pick and choose what parts of the Constitution you’re going to follow. Go all in.

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