Sunday, April 6, 2014

When Mozilla Failed at Something Besides Flash.

Dear The Internet,

Well, You definitely made this week an interesting roller coaster ride for Mozilla. On March 24th, Brendan Eich was made CEO of the company of Firefox, a company he helped co-found. It seemed like a sensible progression; if you helped build a company from the ground up, who would question you eventually being the chair of it? Only one problem: you found out that in 2008 he donated $1000 of his own money to help California’s Proposition 8 campaign, a measure that would ban gay marriages. Then you got the biggest angrection in far...

Sorry, Duck-Mouth bros, You're going to have
to flash your abs on Plenty of Fish.
So then, The Internet, the left side of you was calling for his resignation and possible burning at the stake. OKCupid actually made a warning page for people who accessed their site through FireFox to let them now that the Fox doesn’t like equality. The right side of you essentially called the uproar proof that your left brain is  hateful of everyone with whom it disagree, and that it WILL silence all dissenters, socially at first, but the death panels are still looming..

In a statement, Eich, repeated Mozilla’s policy of inclusion of ALL people, and he even announced a new plan on his own website that would reach out to marginalised gay and trans developers. However, you just could not be swayed. On April 3rd, Brendan Eich resigned from his CEO post. Well, I hope you’re happy, The Internet. A man is (very temporarily) out of a job, and you made your right side look...well...right...about the dissension death panels.

Now The Internet, I want you to be sure that I do NOT support Eich’s perceived previous views. Equality for all is very important to me, and I never feel like I've fought enough for it. However, Eich didn't use company stock to make his donation. I’m pretty sure that when Mozilla promoted him, they were thinking about his technological business acumen, not what he did on the weekend. Granted, his first statement to the public that reiterated Mozilla’s overall policy of inclusiveness didn’t have any explanation about why he donated, or if he still felt that way, but his subsequent announcement and inclusion plan was an action that spoke much louder than just lip service. Even if he still is against equal marriage, he towed Mozilla’s equality-friendly company line. People make mistakes. Maybe that $1000 donation was one of his.

The only Java you should be sipping is at your
local coffee house.
So, The Internet, if you really think that it was a good thing that Brendan Eich stepped down, and your rage-boner that you were using to knock down everyone’s rational judgement was justified, then you need to put up. Brendan Eich invented Javascript. Javascript is the programming language essentially the Lucy that links early ‘90s websites of old to the new, dynamic, Star Trek/Minority Report-looking sites that we have today. Its DNA is EVERYWHERE. It’s on this site you’re reading. It’s in your smart phone. It’s in your tablet. It’s hiding in your XBox, and (I think) your PlayStation. It’s SITTING RIGHT BEHIND YOU. So now you shouldn’t use ANY website or application that has Javascript embedded in pretty much all of them. Look only for sites written strictly with HTML. That is probably the safest bet. You should probably dust off that SNES and Sega Master System, and dig out that crate of magazine and VHS porn, because that will be your only reliable source of non-JS media.

Also, I heard that Mark Zuckerberg held a GOP fundraiser last year. You know what that means, right, The Internet? You’re going to have to delete your Facebook account…I’m waiting...Stop crying. You know damn well that 769 of those people weren’t really your friends anyway.

Do you plan on taking any long trips, The Internet? Because if you take a plane, you’re going to have to double check what the equipment of each flight is. If it’s a Boeing, you’ll have to cancel, because even though they changed course (pun intended), last year they said they would not provide equal pension benefits to gay married couples. On the bright side, The Internet, a trans-Atlantic or -Pacific cruise may take a while longer than flying, but it might be romantic. Just look out for icebergs. And pirates. And scurvy.

Remember how awesome it was when Barack Obama stated his support for marriage equality? well you’re still going to have to boycott him, because in the past, as recently as 2008, he didn’t...Oh sorry, The Internet. I should have waited until you were sitting down for that one. I keep forgetting how short-term a memory you have.

Be being civilly disobedient in 2013.
I have something to admit, The Internet. I was once a homophobe. I know this information may mean that you’re going to quit me as well, but it’s the truth. I was never a vitriolic hate-spitter that vowed to punch any dude who might hit on me, but I also didn’t bat an eye when my friends spoke of such things or when my church members spoke of the lakes of fire waiting for guys who like to kiss other guys. I avoided anyone in school who was thought to be gay, because as we all know, homosexuality is an airborne agent, and if I errantly breathed any gay air, I might become gay as well. I needed to be careful not to go near anyone gay, because if bitten by a radioactive gay man, I’d turn pink. I evolved in my thought throughout high school and college and my first job from first avoiding, to then not really caring about either way, to becoming vehemently active for equal rights for all. None of my gay friends have made me gay, not even the ones who bit me.

In my activism, I have fun with it, but I don’t bully people. Picketing anti-gay picketers is close to the line, but even then, I set rules for myself that prevent me from being as much of a bully as them. So, The Internet, you got your way this time. Eich is out...of a job. However, you gave ammo to those who openly and actively want people’s rights curtailed. I really do not know if Eich still believes what he did in 2008, but he seemed to want to make right what he did, at least publicly. If you keep getting an angrection every time you hear about someone’s past without looking at what he/she is doing now, you will become the monster of hate that you claim you are fighting. You should really pick up a copy of Animal Farm, The Internet...though I don’t know how on earth you’d find a copy of that…



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