BIll O'Reilly Should Whitesplain More Racist Social Constructs

Magical talking potato sack Bill O’Reilly heard Michelle Obama’s speech at the DNC in Philadelphia, and he was bothered. He took umbrage with her stating that she wakes up every morning in a house built by slaves. Most conservatives were taken aback at such a claim, insisting that Michelle Obama was lying (she’s not, and they would have known that had our history book not be approved in FUCKING TEXAS), or people like Rush Limbaugh would take the “get over it” route.

Bill O’Reilly took a unique approach. He acknowledged the fact that the White House WAS built by slaves! Before you wonder how O’Reilly would acknowledge the truth and agree with anyone named “Obama” without the sky opening up and Death appearing astride a pale horse, he punctuated his agreement to fact with an epic whitesplanation.

So he said that the slaves who helped build the White House were “well fed” and had “decent lodging”. Great, but could they quit? Could they ask for pay? What would happen if they took a break without the “foreman’s” permission? What would happen if they walked off the job? Bill’s whitesplaining glossed over the fact that THEY WERE SLAVES. A prison with pretty curtains in the window is still a prison. Also, there is no record of how the slaves who built the WHite House were treated and fed, so he pulled his “facts” about their treatment out of his ass. SInce the slaves were essentially “leased out” by regional slave owners, they were likely treated in whatever manner their masters treated them, so some could have been treated well, some could have been treated harshly, but one thing is for certain.

THEY WERE STILL SLAVES.

One good thing can come of this. Perhaps Bill O’Reilly can start a career whitesplaining other racist social constructs. He could dictate to the Texas Board of Education!

Bill O’Reilly on redlining: “Black people who were barred by banks were able to save money since they didn’t have mortgages!”

Bill O’Reilly on the Tuskegee Experiment: “Look, this nation of takers always wants a hand out, and this was basically free health care. Given their wanton ways, they probably would have gotten syphillis on their own.”

Bill O’Reilly on Japanese internment: “The Japanese were given clean cots and food in those camps. And who doesn’t like camp? Besides, a lot of them received reparations later, which is more than we did for other ethnics.”

Bill O’Reilly on gender based wage inequality: “Women generally have smaller hands, so they requested that they receive less money so that they can handle it all. They need their other hand for cooking and cleaning, anyway.

The whitesplaining can go on forever. Bill O’Reilly has been doing that for a good chunk of his career. I’m sure this will all blow over when Melania Trump recites this speech at the next Republican National Convention.

Luke Cage Is the "Superhuman" Black Man That America Keeps Shooting

The entire internet lost its damn mind thanks to all of the teaser trailers at San Diego Comic Con. All of them were pretty great, but that Luke Cage Netflix Series trailer...It had to have inspired at least 50 thinkpieces about it.. If you haven’t seen it, please view, give yourself time to squeal like a chipmunk on helium, breathe, and come back to this article:

Aren’t you glad you got that out of your system? Not only is this dude walking, not running, through Harlem beating up bad guys with a car door, he is doing it to the soundtrack of Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s “Shimmy Shimmy Ya”! How hardcore is that? ODB was the Wu-Tang member who was born with the least amount of fucks to give!Now can we talk about how they blacked up SDCC? I'm pretty sure this is the blackest thing to happen there, short of someone cosplaying as CB4's Dead Mike and repeatedly singing his solo effort, "I'm black y'all! And I'm black, y'all! And I'm blackety-black and I'm black, y'all!" It looks like Luke Cage was the blackest thing anyone was going to see this weekend. It’s the blackest comic production Marvel has dropped. It’s even blacker than Blade being Marvel’s first blockbuster R-rated film, but Deadpool getting the credit for Blade’s hard work years ago!

Oh yes. I went there.

The Original

Luke Cage has come a LONG way from his 1970s comic days. Back then, he was a caricature of the disco era and blaxploitation. Think a bulletproof Shaft, complete with jive talk. It’s all you could ever hope for in a black superhero created by three white guys. As schlocky as the 70s were, Cage was developed into a more complicated hero that by the 21st century he has become a well deserved first-tier powerhouse in the Marvel universe in terms of significance and popularity. He’s been an Avenger, a Thunderbolt, and he even had a Marvel Max miniseries and a comic cameo-to-love interest in Alias, which led to his role in Jessica Jones. This is all great, but I’m not sure if Marvel knows exactly what they’ve done by giving us a live action Luke Cage…

For those who don’t know, Luke Cage is born Carl Lucas in inner city Harlem. He grows up in the streets, has family problems due to poverty, he gets into trouble with the law a few times, but nothing serious, until finally he goes to jail on a trumped up drug charge. In jail, he suffers abuse from prisoners and an especially sadistic corrections officer. He is volunteered for a scientific experiment to re-create a Super Soldier serum, but it goes wrong due to sabotage, and this is how he gets his powers. Now, Lucas has superhuman strength, agility, and unbreakable skin. Nothing, not needles, bullets, or RPGs, can pierce him. Lucas “left” prison using his new powers and adopts the name “Luke Cage”, Hero for Hire. As Luke Cage/Power Man, he clears his name and runs the streets of Harlem fighting mostly local superpowered bad guys and government officials. He befriends Danny Rand/Iron Fist, has romantic escapades with the likes of She-Hulk and eventually Jessica Jones, maintains a vigil on his stomping grounds, no matter with what major team he joins or leads.

Looking at this synopsis is why I’m not sure if Marvel knew or planned to do what they did. They just popularized a black man who is generally a good man, but because of his spotty past, will likely be viewed with disdain and derision by general (“white”) America should he ever fall publicly victim to any abuse. He is a product of the Prison Industrial Complex because of a minor drug charge, and you know that whether he is guilty or not is irrelevant to some. Many would  deem guilty at the charge. On top of that, the administration went all Tuskegee Experiment on him, which along with slave style hard labor, used to happen a lot to prisoners and poor people of color. Despite all of these major social hindrances, Luke Cage, in all of his activities, still does his best to do right, often bordering the blurry line between what’s lawful and what’s not, as vigilante heroes do. He is a man who has a past a lot like a lot of other people from the city. Best of all, he has no filter when he talks.

So glad the gold teeth
didn't stick.

Luke Cage is the black man in the hoodie that we keep seeing getting shot or beaten in the news, except he is actually bulletproof. This is the “scary thug” that people saw in Amadou Diallo and Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown and Jordan Davis and Yvette Smith and Renisha McBride and Alton Sterling and Philando Castile and Levar Jones and Natasha McKenna and Tamir Rice. Look at the words used in the police reports describing the situations surrounding these people. You’ll see phrases like “lightning fast” and “superman strength” and “I felt overpowered” and “he/she looked dangerous/aggressive”. Luke Cage is the black “Superman” of which these white people were so afraid that they felt they had to use lethal force. And just like them, Luke Cage is a good man who had a bit of a complicated past.  You cannot place him in one cubbyhole of your sense of “morality”.

I’m excited for Black Panther’s upcoming movie because he’s the first black superhero, but I’m even more excited for this African-American superhero. He isn’t even the first African-American superhero. Sam Wilson/Falcon is the first, but he was originally a sidekick for Captain America. We’ve all seen the Black Best Friend and Magical Negro trope enough times. It’s about time for another black comic superhero who goes out on his own. Don’t think that other future minority characters’ three-dimensionality in comics was not influenced by creation of Luke Cage! I doubt that DC would have had the idea to develop John Stewart’s “Mosaic” storyline were it not for the success of Cage. Sam WIlson may not have become the new Captain America.

A lot of people identify with Peter Parker, being a nerdy science kid who likes comics. I get that, but that’s just the lust for science and feeling of solitude. What if there is more to your youthful experience than that? I haven’t had all of the experiences that young Carl Lucas had. However, I do identify with being poor, black, from a troubled family, and tempted to bend the law in order to survive. I have had the experience of being abused by neighborhood bullies and people of authority. I maintain my determination to do right in the midst of the easy temptation to do less than that. Luke Cage is every one of us. This is the black superhero I always wanted to see on screen. I’m extra happy that the mainstream is loving Luke Cage as much as I have. Let’s hope they keep loving him when they find out his past and how he got to be who he is. Luke Cage is the baddest motherfucker.

Shit...Now I can’t get “Shimmy Shimmy Ya” out of my head...

Crispus Attucksing is Ethnic Fridging

Yes, in the 40’s all comics were racist as hell, with Wonder Woman having Mammy maids and Superman punching “Japs” (NOT Jewish American Princesses) and Captain America and Dick Tracy saving their little tar baby buddies, but as little as a generation later, we had Black Panther introducing himself by beating the shit out of Captain America and Green Lantern getting schooled by a black lady for not protecting the hood and John Stewart being the most complicated and interesting Green Lantern in the entire GL Corps (Read Green Lantern: Mosaic and get #wokeAF). Even though 70’s creations Black Lightning and Luke Cage/Power Man were the designated token Blaxploitation heroes complete with what white people thought was ebonics back then, (Black Lightning, when asked to join the Justice League, said ON A COMIC COVER, “I ain’t hanging with you jive turkeys!”), their personal histories become so much more than the stereotype from whence they came.

However, there’s a reason why I use the term, “Make mine Marvel”. Leaps and bounds, in the last 20 years, they have been in front of DC when it comes to diversity. There have been multiple volumes of Blade, Black Panther, Luke Cage, Deathlok, War Machine, and even a few Storm mini-series. Storm has been official leader of multiple X-Men teams. The history of Black Panther’s Wakanda is as rich as any real east African nation’s. Luke Cage is a hell of a lot more than just a jive talking bulletproof dude. Even his black villains (e.g. Tombstone) are complicated entities. Marvel’s killing it.

“But what about DC’s Milestone line?”

Shut up, Steve.

Milestone was a valiant effort, but it was universe that DC created to get more minority readers. It’s not like they DIDN’T have minority readers, though! We just wanted more minority superheroes in the grander DC Universe! Instead, they made a “separate but equal” universe of heroes that were similar to DC Proper’s realm. Did they not know that Plessy v. Ferguson was overturned? There is a reason why there’s a site called www.HasDCDoneSomethingStupidToday.com, and not a sister site for Marvel. Fortunately, DC folded Milestone into the main DC Universe after the Infinite Flashpoint Crisis: Tokyo Drift, or whateverthefuck, so now there exists a black superhero in the DC Universe who can beat up Superman (Google Icon).

In the 21st Century, though, Marvel has been crushing it in the diversity realm. Jane Foster as Thor, Miles Morales as a new Spider-Man, Spider-Gwen Stacy, a gay marriage on the front cover of an X-Men comic, Amadeus Cho as a new Hulk, RiRi Williams is the new Iron Man, all while still maintaining the popularity of staples like Storm, War Machine, Black Panther, and Luke Cage. All this, plus the fact that every mutant and X-man, whether black, white or green, is essentially metaphorically a black/brown/institutionally marginalized person. Couple all of this with Marvel’s efforts to hire a diverse writing staff, from Kelly Sue deConnick for Captain Marvel to G. Willow Wilson (a Muslim woman!)  for Ms. Marvel to Ta-Nehisi Coates and Roxane Gay for Black Panther. Marvel is very critical in increasing the supply of White Male Tears™

White Male Tears™: They’re salty, but they’re oh, so sweet.

You can see the White Male Tears™ flow under every comment section under an article about the development of a new character or an author change. The whitesplanations and mansplanations give are vast and diverse, from, “[Superhero] is white!”, to “[Superhero] is a man!”, punctuated with, “your political correctness is going to ruin my childhood!” Ah yes. Because Marvel Entertainment has a task force that has mastered time travel and is ripping comic books from your 20 years ago hands while you’re trying to read them and gluing the faces of Malcom X and Gloria Steinem in the place of the main protagonists. Cry me a river, a river of deliciousness.

White Male Tears™: GD Power & Associates’ 5-Star pick for pool of liquid in which to sadly masturbate when you realize how fragile your image of straight masculinity is.

I applaud Marvel for all of its efforts to make the comic world look more like the real world, but with more people who can fly and shoot lasers out of their eyes. However, I have one gripe.

I loved the Civil War story arc. It was a riveting tale with so many questions brought in from the real world about personal autonomy vs. how far a government should go to limit that autonomy. The idea of regulating and registering superheroes based on one tragedy that got worldwide attention brings up memories of previous race-based limits on immigration and housing locations, the requirement that Jews wear Stars of David on their sleeves, and the debates about how to “monitor muslims”. The story is 10 years old, and it still resonates today. Even the part where the X-Men pretty much laughed said, “Been there, done that”, and STILL had divisions on the pro-/anti-registration sides was poignant.

With such an amazing, relevant story, why, oh why did the black guy have to die first? When I saw the image of Goliath being killed, the only thing I could say was, “Really???” Why’d it have to be a brother? We were JUST getting used to calling him “Goliath” instead of “Black Goliath”! I know in the grand scheme of popularity, Goliath is a second-tier hero, but why not kill off a tertiary character? Like, who gives a shit about Frog Man? Why not kill Ben Reilly? We have enough Spider-Mans as it is. You could have even killed Bucky again. He was dead for so long anyway! His powers are dumb anyway! Instead, you kill the literally biggest, blackest hero in the Marvel universe. Not cool, but I’m not mad at you, because the overall story was pretty good.

Fast forward to 2016, and I was excited about Civil War II. This was just as interesting, albeit a little bit more hypothetical. What if you knew how the future was going to play out? Would you do everything to tamper with to change, or would you let time and actions take their course? Would you be able to stop/kill a person who has not yet done the crime that you already know they are going to do? It’s a little bit “Minority Report” and a little bit “Would you kill baby Hitler”, but with spandex jumpsuits. Iwas was into it, until Thanos killed Jim Rhodes/War Machine.

OH, COME ON!!!

You seriously had a second Civil War with a different compelling precedent, but the first one to die is the brother??? What are you doing, Marvel? This time, it’s a primary character! Do I need to start a sit called “Has Marvel Killed a Brother Today”? Are you trying to get in on the “killing/maiming a marginalized group character to drive the story” schtick? DC has the market cornered on fridging. Maybe you can call this “Crispus Attucksing”. Don’t go the way of damn near every schlocky horror flick. Don’t tell me Marvel spent all this time developing all of these minority superheroes just so that they could kill them off every other major story arc. This is going to make the White Male Tears™ dry up!

I love Marvel, and I love what they’re doing, but if Crispus Attucksing turns out to be a new trend, I might have to Make Mine Image.

Ghostbusters Was Nowhere Near as Racist as Twitter Trolls

The new Ghostbusters is everything I expected it would be: a comedy sci-fi movie about a bunch of people shooting cartoonish ghosts. I got exactly what I wanted. In fact, I think it was better than the original, and it wasn’t because of the fact that they Rule 63ed it. The writing was a bit more clever. I like my movies to have a little banter, and that is exactly what it had. After all, I was watching a movie about kooky scientists beating up ghosts. The premise was shaky, but the product was good.

The other thing that made the movie so good was the delicious White Male Tears™ that had built up since the announcement of the cast. I have never seen such a flow of pathetic whining form men who just hated the mere concept of an all woman Ghostbusters movie.

“This is going to ruin my childhood memories!”

“Hollywood is too politically correct!”

“Men are under attack in this country!”

Mmmm...male tears...There were so many that were they not so salty, we’d have solved California’s water crisis for the next 20 years, at which point maybe Hollywood could gender swap Blade Runner or something and keep the flow going. You’d think that Sony broke into all these guys’ houses and forced them to watch as they digitally erased the stars of the original movie and replaced them with talking uteri. Men jumped on movie sites to give the film the lowest rating possible before it was even released in the US! Yummy tears! One review said this:

“My biggest gripe; every man in this movie is portrayed in this movie as incompetent, a creep, or dumb. There is not a single male character in here that a young boy can look up to. Yet another disturbing trend on today’s culture where people feel a need to make men look bad in order to elevate women. You know its possible to show strong, independent women without having to put men down.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!! Sweet Woman Jesus! How oblivious can one person be? Dude is mad at the movie for portraying men in the film the way women have been portrayed in movies since the invention of movies! I’ll bet he wept into his sad little hands when they kind of fridged Chris Hemsworth’s character! This is a Rule 63 review! It’s extra funny because he’s complaining about inept dudes, but his grammar is inept AF! Oh, the tears! So delicious!

The other complaint that I heard about the movie was how racist it was, because the only person who WASN’T a scientist was Leslie Jone’s character, the only black star. One writer describes the role, Patty Tolan, as a Sapphire style token negro. I respect that it is frustrating that the black main character’s role isn’t a scientist like the other main characters, but tell me how this choice is any more racist than the 1984 Ghostbusters, where not only was Ernie Hudson’s Winston Zedmore NOT a scientist, but editors actively decided the omit the background detail that he’s a retired marine with combat tactical experience? He just kind of showed up and was like, “Hey, I need a job, and you guys need a token ethnic to distract from all the Middle Eastern cabbie jokes!” So Patty was an MTA employee. BUT, at the when she saw her first ghost, she didn’t resort to the patent “scared negro” role or the “1st one dead” role that is usually trope for a token in a Hollywood film. She just calmly bantered. She also provided the broke ass group with a mode of transportation. They were schlepping around town with their equipment in shopping carts before Patty was on the team. Usually she was the reasonable one in the cloud of the other three panicking. Throughout the movie, Leslie Jones was being Leslie Jones: 20+ year comic veteran who thrived on making people laugh by being herself. The woman is FUNNY. At worst, it is exactly what the original was: racially oblivious, like Girls or Friends. So by all means, be disappointed that Patty wasn’t a scientist, but save that racist hellscape talk.

If you want to see a racist hellscape, look at Leslie Jone’s Twitter feed. People attacked her as if SHE wrote the show. They compared her to a gorilla, an orangutan, I saw more use of the word “nigger” than 15 pages of a Quentan Tarantino script! Anonymous dick-lints even photoshopped Tweet images to make it look like Leslie Jones herself had sent out racist, homophobic tweets. It was horrible. It was so bad that Jones bowed out of Twitter. Twitter actually suspended the head troller’s account because of the abuse. And of course, the racist fucktrumpets lamented that Leslie Jones was the REAL racist, pointing out tweets where she said something like, “White people”, with a picture of a white dude trying to kiss a hippo or something. Not exactly on the level of bombarding one person, who ISN’T EVEN THE WRITER, with images and slurs minute after minute. And why weren’t Kat McKinnon, Kristen Wiig, or Melissa McCartney attacked like this? Why only Leslie Jones? She was the “easy” target, because she is black.

This Ghostbusters movie has hopefully opened up people’s eyes to how fragile masculinity and fragile whiteness often go hand in hand. The rhetoric is just as vitriolic, and it exposes how pathetic the “men” who espouse it are that they feel the need to go on the offensive to hide their insecurities. Whenever I hear of trolling attacks like this, I like to conjure an image of some pimply loser in his parents’ finished basement apartment wearing a tightly fitting polo and high-water khakis, masturbating in a pool of his own tears while furiously typing racist/sexist epithets, but I know the reality is that some of these “men” are probably my co-workers, going about society as a supposedly stable guy, but behind closed doors waves around his white straight male sense of entitlement on the internet like it’s an aryan uber-dick. And they still can’t dress well.

Michelle Obama Made a Trump Supporter Apologize Without Doing a Thing

We have seen all the hilarity and chaos over Melania Trump doing what white people in America did to make this country what it is: take the credit for making something that was really the hard, uncredited work of a black person. When she plagiarized Michelle Obama’s 2008 speech, she claimed ahead of it that she wrote it herself. Trump claimed it. Fox News used the excuse that she used words that are common. Trump aids quoted Twinklebutt Rainlight from My Little Pony on live TV to prove how M. Trump’s speech used just common themes. Other conservatives tried to claim that her speech just reflected basic American values.

It definitely did, which is why Michelle Obama wrote it 8 years ago. Here’s the thing that no one can defend: in MelaniChelle’s speech, she used the term, “your word is your bond”. THAT’S A BLACK PEOPLE PHRASE! Have you not listened to 90’s conscious hip-hop? Real woke brothers have been saying that for years! The only white people who say that are the ones who hang with black people, and last I checked, Melania’s crew is pretty melanin deficient. Her husband’s spray tan doesn’t make him “colored”. “Word is bond” is where ya messed up, Mellie! In her defense, though, I’m sure the rest of the Trump camp thought the phrase was some translated Eastern European proverb or something. You know their asses never heard of Sadat X!

All this talk is burying the lead, though. Two things happened in the wake of this controversy beside the Trump Mansplanation Machine getting revved up to 11. For one thing, MelTrizzles proved that Republicans really do like what the Obamas have to say. They said that they were “inspired” by the speech. This is the same speech that the same Republicans said they hated 8 years ago. We saw this with Obamacare and the President’s war tactics. All of these things that were championed by Republican governors and presidents before, but since it was Obama, the policies are tyranny or socialism or ineptness or whateverthefuck. So Melania Trump does Michelle Obama’s speech, and now it’s trill? OK. So it’s just the packaging for the delivery that you don’t like. You don’t like what Brown can do for you; you want [Whatever the hell FedEx’s motto is]. Got it. You all just showed your asses.

The second thing that happened: hours ago, Meredith McIver, the Trump aide tasked with checking/editing Mel Treezy’s speech, issued an apology for not being more diligent in her duties. She apologized to both Trumps and Mrs. Obama.  She even offered her resignation, but Trump didn’t accept it. This is huge. Thanks to this speech debacle, someone in the Trump campaign apologized. Let me re-type that properly…

MICHELLE OBAMA GOT A TRUMP SUPPORTER TO APOLOGIZE! She didn’t even lift a finger! None of the memes spreading came from the White House. That was all us! Do you not see? The key to calm and harmony is Michelle Obama! She is the black Madonna, or as black people call her, “Madonna”! We just need to get Melania to plagiarize more of her stuff! Let’s have her plagiarize her health measures! Have Michelle Obama talk about climate change and immigration policy! We put the wrong damn Obama in office with the wrong damn running mate!

Obama/Trump 2020!

…Just not the husbands.

#WhitenessSoFragile: A Letter to IA Rep. Steve King

Dear Congressman King:

I saw the exchange you had with Chris Hayes, Charlie Price, and April Ryan during the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, in which you challenged them to, “go back through history and figure out where are these contributions that have been made by these other categories of people…where did any other subgroup of people contribute more to civilization?” I was not sure of whom you meant who overachieved in their contributions to the world, but you clarified quickly, saying you were speaking of, “western civilization itself that’s rooted in western Europe, eastern Europe and the United States of America, and every place where Christianity settled the world”.

I happen to be a member of one of the “other categories” of people. Honestly, I am a member of more than one, since both of my parents’ ethnicities and lands of origin were diluted, thanks to the Transatlantic slave trade, which is one thing major thing for which those western civilization Christians. I have spoken with members of other “subgroups”, and we have decided that since you do not think that we contributed much to the world, then you obviously do not need what we have given to civilization. I would ask that you please refrain from utilizing the following items that we subgroups have introduced to the world:

Please refrain from using any type of plumbing and irrigation. Though Romans get credit for it, It was actually the citizens of the Indus Valley Civilization who invented plumbing around 2700 BCE, nearly 1000 years before Romans coined the phrase “plumbing”, based on their use of lead pipes, which we now know to be very dangerous. If you could not tell, the Indus Valley Civilization is in modern India.

Please do not use any hospitals for health treatment, as the practice of medicine was developed in Egypt, Babylonia, India, and China, all about the same time, and all about 500 years before anyone in the western world thought to do so. If you are only referring to the time that Christianity was spread to the western world, then you should not accept any blood transfusions since Dr. Charles Drew was the father of the blood bank, turn down any cardiac surgery as Dr. Daniel H. Williams performed the first open heart surgery, refrain from getting eye treatment since Dr. Patricia Bath is an inventor and opthamologist who revolutionized many aspects of her craft. These people are from the “subgroup” we now call African American. I know their names sound English, but that is a result of the aforementioned transatlantic slave trade that occurred years before.

Please turn in any degree of higher learning you may have earned, as the world’s first university and oldest university, the University of al-Qarawiyyin, was founded in Morrocco. You can still visit it today if you doubt me. It was founded by a Muslim woman by the name of Fatima al-Fihri as well, and judging by your voting record regarding women’s issues and your views on Islam, I am sure you will not want to have anything related to a Muslim woman anyway.

If you have any books on your shelves, please refrain from reading them, as books were invented by ancient Mesopotamians, then perfected by ancient Egyptians and Chinese. In fact, the first published author was a woman by the name of Enheduanna, a Sumerian woman. You likely do not want something in your house whose existence is thanks to a woman, especially not a western one. THis may not be a very difficult task for you; given your statements, it seems you have not picked up a book in a very long time.

The next few things will likely be easy for you to stop utilizing, given your voting record on education spending and aversion to the subject. Science, all science, was first developed Africa, specifically the base of the Nile river. The term “science” may have been developed in Rome, but the birthplace of the practice of science is the heart of the area now called Sudan and Tanzania, as that is as far south as the Egyptians ruled at one time. None of these are European regions, so please refrain from using any science.

Additionally, please stop using mathematics. The study of mathematics is attributed to Babylonians, who are the ancestors of the people you wish to deport and ban from entering this country. Geometry was developed in ancient Egypt. Calculus was in practice throughout ancient South America, North America, Africa, and Asia, thousands of years before Sir Isaac Newton and Gottfried Liebniz were crowned the independent fathers of calculus. There innovations would not have been possible were it not for their learning of algebra, which if you cannot tell, is a mathematical concept born in the Middle East. It’s root word is the Arabic word al-Jabr, which means, “reunion of broken parts”. Given math’s African and Middle Eastern roots, I doubt that you will have trouble refraining from using them. I am sure you will want to bring up all of the advances that Albert Einstein gave to the study of physics, but please remember that he did so in the early 2oth century, and he is Jewish, and back then, Jewish people were not considered “white”.

I ask that you stop using all of these things that were not originally created in the western civilization that you claim made the large portion of contributions to modern society. Also, civilization is a simultaneous invention of ancient Africans and Asians. It did not come to Europe until it was introduced to Europe through those ancient civilizations’ desire to explore and expand. Christianity is a Middle Eastern invention as well. The person you know as Jesus was born in Palestine. His followers were all of Middle Eastern descent. None of them were European. So if you would please refrain from being Christian, we would appreciate it.

If you would like to continue to enjoy all that people not of the “Western Christian Civilization” have given to the world, then please acknowledge our and our ancestors’ contributions to modern society. If you do not, then I request that you provide from whence you got the notion that the only primary contributors to modern society are Europeans. I would assume that you received this information from Stormfront or talks with David Duke or Don Black. It may be in the welcome package that one attains from joining the Aryan Nations or the Brotherhood of the Ku Klux Klan or the American Nazi Party. I would just like to be sure that the public and I know, so that voters in your constituent can be better informed. I would like this information and your decision sooner than later, and I would say that the clock is ticking, but the first functional clock in America was built by Benjamin Banneker, so I would understand your aversion to timepieces.

Best Regards,

NONSENSE CHRONICLER

If you would like to know Steve King's educational sources, or if you can think of other things that Steve King should not use since they weren't developed in Europe, please send him a letter at https://steveking.house.gov/contact or at:

Congressman Steve King

United States House Representative, Iowa, 4th District

United States Congress

2210 Rayburn Office Building

Washington, DC 20515

#BlackLivesMatter Shows How #WhitenessSoFragile

The United States had a very tumultuous week last week. The deaths of Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, the five Dallas police officers, the #BlackLivesMatter demonstrations that emerged from the events, the chaos of some of those demonstrations, the calls for people to “act more like Martin Luther King” have all brought about something that has been apparent for a while, but no one seemed to realize.

#WhitenessSoFragile

Since the birth of whiteness, it was a very unstable construct. It came about around the time people had to justify why they could go to entire different countries and murder and/or enslave the citizens of those lands, take all of their shiny things, on-point fashion, and tasty foods, and still sleep at night, knowing that their beds were soaking in indigenous blood. So how could one do this to people and still in good conscience call oneself a “good Christian”? By making fragile whiteness. Blackness became a thing you could be, and one’s blackness made them less than human. “Mongoloid” and “Negroid” and “Caucasoid” were actually scientific terms. Keep in mind that phrenology was a science, too. Now it only exists as one of the Roots’ most slept on LPs.

Whiteness prevailed for quite a while. The Dutch were especially ruthless with their whiteness (I’m looking at you, King Leopold I), but the Spanish and Portuguese did a pretty good job of waving their whiteness around too. The UK used it the most, though. There are only about 20 countries in the world that had not been occupied or invaded by Britain. Hell, you’re reading this in English! Their whiteness game was on FLEEK!

Whiteness has been used as a cudgel and a standard for what is right or better. To this day, Indians are buying up skin whiteners. East Asians are having their epicanthic folds removed or altered to “round” their eyes. Black people are still buying products that literally burn them to straighten their hair to look more “professional”. 3-inch long “white” hair in the office? Totally fine. 3-inch long black hair in the office? Getting a fucking haircut, Johnson. This isn’t a record label.

Even at its peak, you could tell #WhitenessSoFragile, though. White people spent their time trying to prove that OTHER white people weren’t white. African-descended peoples weren’t the only ones “scientifically” equated with apes. The Irish suffered this indignity as well. So did the Scottish, Germans, Greeks, Italians, Polish, French (Yes! The FRENCH!,  and pretty much anyone who wasn’t English or Dutch. How fragile is your construct of European-American superiority when you try to not let OTHER European-Americans join your club?

Today in America, #WhitenessSoFragile is manifesting in the vitriolic way that people respond to anything having to do with another ethnicity advocating for itself or taking pride in itself. People call the NAACP racist because they claim it’s the National Association for the Advancement of COLORED People, and not all people, ignoring the fact that the NAACP was founded but both black and white people, and never excluded anyone. When Black History Month became more popular, fragile whites would complain, “Why isn’t there a WHITE History Month? Black History Month is racist!”, completely ignoring that there was no legitimate history of black people in America in public schools since the inception of public schools, which is ironic, because not only did America benefit from free labor from blacks to build the superpower that they are today, those first schoolhouses were likely built by black slaves.

Those white tears do taste scrumptious, though…

#WhitenessSoFragile reared its tear-stained head after Jesse Williams spoke at the BET Awards. 95% of his speech was about America as a whole and directed toward black people specifically. He mentioned the word “whiteness” once, and people initiated a petition to have him fired, because their fee-fees got hurt. How fragile is your social construct when you will complain about something not about you, broadcast on a channel that you probably NEVER WATCHED IN YOUR LIFE?

#WhitenessSoFragile manifests itself in the nerd and geek world all the time as well. Mention how Marvel has a black Spider-Man, and watch a white male talk about how his childhood has been ruined because of it. You’ll get the same response when you discuss the black Wally West, the new black woman Iron Man, the Asian Hulk, the Pakistani Ms. Marvel, Zendaya Mary-Jane, or any other transracial superhero icon. I’m sure that when John Stewart Green Lantern come on the scene in 1972, there was a young Bull Connor type lamenting about how this is the end of comics and his silly little life. White fragility often coincides with #MasculinitySoFragile, as exemplified by the response to Jane Foster Thor, Captain Marvel’s newest non-bathing suit costume, and the all-woman Ghostbusters movie. The tears look and taste the same: DELICIOUS.

#WhitenessSoFragile is often defended with the same rubber/glue defense. When Steve King tried to lobby to keep Andrew Jackson on the $20 note, the cornerstone of his argument was that changing to Harriet Tubman was racist and sexist. Only in the sad, paranormal world of Fragile Whiteness would switching from the face of a mass murdering slave owner who probably beat his wife to a that of woman who freed hundreds of slaves and led battles against the confederacy be considered “racist” or “sexist”. The rubber/glue defense didn’t work in elementary school, and it doesn’t work now. It actually shows how infantile people can be about their flimsily constructed norm.

People mischaracterizing the #BlackLivesMatter movement as anything but a new chapter in the long-running Civil Rights Movement shows how #WhitenessSoFragile. Here’s a fun parlour trick: ask anyone who says that #BLM is only about black people* if they were vocal when Dylan Noble or Zachary Hammond or Amanda Steele died. When they ask you, “Who?”, you will immediately see an anthropomorphic frog drinking iced tea. Most of the time, Fragile Whiteness will claim that the #BLM needs to take a page from Martin Luther King’s book and stage peaceful protests that don’t obstruct people’s day to day lives, and stop messing with people’s livelihoods with their student protests and blocking of thoroughfares and boycotting of venues. If #BLM were to emulate Dr. King, then they would be doing exactly what they are doing. MLK led public protests and blocked major thoroughfares and encouraged boycotting venues. #WhitenessSoFragile has a very negative affect on memory, so much so that it has turned “be more like MLK” into the modern, “Why don’t you be a good negro and keep your head down?”.

#AllLivesMatter isn’t just the corollary counter to #BlackLivesMatter as #NotAllMen is to #YesAllWomen. It is a product of #WhitenessSoFragile. If Fragile Whiteness weren’t so fragile, then it would not be so quick to reassert itself into a conversation in such a defensive posture. Seriously, we get it. All lives DO matter. You just need to remember that when certain people say “All Lives Matter” but then demonize black and female victims of crime to justify why a white guy did it, they think that all lives matter as much as Thomas Jefferson meant all lives matter when he said that “all men are born with certain unalienable rights”, even though he deliberately excluded women, owned black slaves, and was a virulent homophobe.

“This political correctness is getting out of hand” is #WhitenessSoFragile for, “Wahhh! I have to respect other people and their lives! They’re calling me on my bullshit!” It is fun to mock, but be careful. As fragile as Whiteness is, it is still very volatile and can still kill. There are families in South Carolina, Santa Barbara, Colorado, Sandy Hook who can attest to the dangers of Fragile Whiteness. That is still not going to stop me from pointing out examples of #WhitenessSoFragile when I see it. I'm just going to be a little bit more vigilant about it.

Rally Wrap-Up: A Letter to Mayor Lovely Warren & Chief Michael Ciminelli

Starting at Liberty Pole

  Dear Mayor Lovely A. Warren & Police Chief Michael Ciminelli:

I attended the rally for justice for Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, hosted by the organization Building Leadership and Community Knowledge (BLACK) on 8th July 2016. What happened that day is well documented in the news and was addressed by both of you in a press conference, but I am very concerned with the accounts addressed in said conference.

For the most part, the rally was a peaceful event. I saw members of BLACK speaking directly with police officers, assumedly to inform them in which direction rally-goers would march in the streets, so that the police could properly redirect traffic and keep both attendants of the rally and bystanders and drivers safe. Though we were marching to mourn the deaths of 7 individuals (Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, and the 5 officers in Dallas, Brent Thompson, Zack Zamarripa, Michael Krol, Michael Smith, and Lorne Ahrens), The mood was energized but calm. I was slightly concerned, though, that police in riot gear were deployed to the corner of Woodbury and Chestnut, but we diverted back to Liberty Pole anyway. After a short break, we marched down East Avenue, as our intention was to hold a vigil for the individuals who needlessly lost their lives. It was not until we ended our march at East Avenue and Alexander Street that two stories have emerged, which is my major concern.

The Line

Another rally attendee and I left the area to pick up her car and transport the remaining food, water and supplies from Liberty Pole to East and Alexander. Though someone had already transported the supplies, we were gone for only 20 minutes, and in that time, the streets were blocked off, and there was minor chaos at the corner. Police in riot gear spanned the entire length of East Avenue, slowly marching down the street, randomly picking up people to arrest as they marched closer and closer to Prince Street. Bar patrons were in the streets yelling more and more expletives at attendees and police alike, primarily taunting the attendees. By the end of the night, Police officers were also arresting bystanders who had nothing to do with the rally.

Still being peaceful...

At your press conference on Saturday 9th July, Chief Ciminelli said that there were no injuries to civilians or officers. I know for a fact that this is not true, as I watched as one officer lunged and tackled a sitting rally attendee and punch him in the face numerous times until bloody. Attendees had to pull him away from the officer, and two or three officers had to pull away the officer from his grip on the attendee. Minutes later, I saw a pile of officers on another attendee. One officer was intent on attempting to arrest one of my friends, who was not part of the rally and walking her bicycle and trying to get home from work, not knowing what on earth was going on. The entire time I was at the event, I saw no rocks thrown at police officers. I will not question what I did not see, but Alexander and East Avenue is a fairly busy and well-kept street that I frequent, and it is uncertain from whence anyone would find a rock to throw at anything. In the press conference, you said that some attendees intended to be arrested. That is not true. There were a group of people who said that they would be willing to go to jail if need be, but no one in the rally had any interest in breaking the law or causing trouble with the local community. This mischaracterization is what breeds acrimony in the community.

#Rochester is a bit lit...

A video posted by Chris Thompson (@chronsofnon) on Jul 8, 2016 at 7:39pm PDT

I saw bar attendees yelling and screaming at attendees, spitting racial epithets at both the black and white attendees, throwing things at them, antagonizing them, but I did not see any officers stop them from doing so. I saw two bar customer bystanders who were just seeing what was happening outside be grabbed by officers. They may not have heard the officers’ orders to leave the scene or stay inside, as it was a slightly noisy scene.

#Rochester my tax dollars...I don't think the candle light vigil is happening...

A video posted by Chris Thompson (@chronsofnon) on Jul 8, 2016 at 8:08pm PDT

Just sandwiched the last of them. Told them to move back, but they're behind them too #Rochester

A video posted by Chris Thompson (@chronsofnon) on Jul 8, 2016 at 8:01pm PDT

Dude on the right was arrested minutes after I took this.

My primary concern is why were some bar patron bystanders were arrested and others were not? The ones yelling expletives and taunting the rally attendees seemed not to be quieted or told to leave. One man was yelling that the rally attendees were fighting a losing battle, and a bar patron across the street simply responded, “Shut up”, and the second patron and his friend were the ones grabbed and placed in handcuffs. While this was happening, another bar patron boldly said, “Arrest those animals”, but he was not arrested. The difference between the bystanders arrested is literally black and white; white bystanders could say anything they wanted, but black bystanders were rounded up. The proof is in the fact that two black reporters were arrested while covering the story. Though you apologized publicly for their apprehension, what about the bar patrons, and why weren’t any patrons on the north side of East Avenue policed for their behavior, which would be seen by anyone as “disorderly conduct”?

I understand the police officers’ concern for their own safety at this event given the shootings at the Dallas rally, so it is understandable that some or all of your force were on edge and extra vigilant. However, I do not see arresting people who had nothing to do with the rally, who went to East and Alexander to have a good time and may not have even known about the rally, is an exercise of caution or vigilance. I also do not understand why the people instigating negative discourse and acrimony were not arrested along with the rally attendees. I was called an animal to my face, and fortunately, I had the wherewithal to walk away, albeit blindly livid, but those attendees who talked back to those drunken people who were essentially trolling were the ones being more policed, not the publicly inebriated people mocking both your police force and the rally attendees.

When I read an NBC News article about the rally and responded to them regarding the gross inaccuracies of their story, someone from NBC contacted me within 24 hours to hear me out. Though I do not expect a mayor and police chief of a major city to personally respond to me, I do hope my concerns and my questions about what happened do not fall on deaf ears. I hope someone reads this and engages with me in a professional manner. I respect both the Mayor’s and Police offices, and envy your capacity to do your jobs the best you can without bias, but the manner in which I saw many (not all) officers behave are why I, a 38-year old engineer, am sometimes scared for my life when even when I know I’ve done nothing wrong when I see a police officer, and why the rally was held in the first place.

Best Regards,

[Chronicler of Nonsense]

I only talked about the things that I saw. I heard of pepper spray being deployed and a taser being used. I also heard about people being called much worse than "dogs" and "animals". If you attended the rally or were in the crowd in the aftermath of the rally, make your voice heard to the people who are tasked to keep us safe in Rochester. Send a copy to them, and distribute it to social media so that they cannot say they did not see it:

Mayor Lovely A Warren Chief Michael Ciminelli

City of Rochester                             Office of the Chief of Police

30 Church Street                              185 Exchange Boulevard

City Hall, Room 307A                     City Public Safety Building

Rochester, NY 14614                      Rochester, NY 14614