Spreading Santorum to the Pope of Penn State

Before you endure this diatribe, let me say Happy New Year! May your days be filled with hope and joy…and a fat tax refund.

Now that that is out of the way, let’s get on to what inspired me to write. You’d think it was the veiled racist remarks by Santorum and Gingrich on their road to America’s Next Top Republican. You’d think it was the BLATANT hypocrisy of everyone (except Ron Paul) ganging up on Romney for doing all the unregulated free market stuff that venture capitalists do, yet they still claim that business and political contributions should be unregulated. No, that’s all just politics as usual: “Policy X is wrong!...unless it benefits me…”

What got me off my hump and start writing was that the Pope of Penn State is back in the news. He and his wife are getting honoured by the new Penn State president for all their service and contributions to the university, like being the most winning coach in college football (409 wins in 40 years), all the donations, and all the school spirit he has generated. I would like to know if the new president is also going to give him a commendation for COVERING UP CHILD RAPE. Will there be a little asterisk branded on whatever little trophy they get, like Barry Bonds’ record-breaking home run baseball? Of course, all bonds did was jack himself up on steroids. Maybe they should inscribe the names of all the young boys that were raped by Sandusky, that Say-No Joe could have helped, had he done more than take away Sandusky’s f***ing locker key.

I might sound vindictive, and it might seem ridiculous that I am no longer a fan of Paterno, but it only takes one bad deed to erase all that great, albeit superficial stuff he’s done. Think about it. OJ Simpson was a Heisman trophy winner and an NFL hall-of-famer. However, One murder scandal and a DEFINITE armed robbery later, f*** him. The Penn State Pope could have, and should have done a lot more than just tell his superiors when he heard the news. If they didn’t do anything, then a true hero would have called the cops. He didn’t though. Any victim of child abuse on this scale, where the people who were supposed to protect us let us keep getting abused, can tell you, it would have just taken one person who cared to end it. If they didn’t end their lives already, they have to live with knowledge of this all their lives, and probably develop a well-justified disdain and mistrust of human beings in general. So f*** your “honour”, Joe. You should have picked up a phone.

Moving on to a lighter subject: Everyone knows about the Santorum surge¹ in Iowa. Santorum really came from behind to nearly overtake Romney². He really made a big flustered mess³ of people’s predictions. Sure, there wasn’t as big a showing of Santorum⁴ in New Hampshire, but there’s speculation that he might just take the south by storm. The Dirty South LOVES the idea of Santorum spreading everywhere⁵…frothy poop-lube⁶.

One of Rick Santorum’s daughters, Elizabeth Santorum, sat down with Elise Foley of the Huffington Post to discuss her campaigning for her father, and her concern with the Santorum neologism. What stuck out in the interview was that she was saddened that someone would turn her surname into a disgusting joke, just because her dad expressed himself on an issue.

How sad, Elizabeth? Are we talking “someone compared my best friend’s love to dog-f***ing and child-rape” sad, or “said someone pledges to roll back any progress made on same-sex legislature if elected” sad?

You know what really hurts? The fact that my best friend, should she decide to get married one day, will not be legally married in the eyes of most states, and the f***ing federal government. Things you would take for granted, like being at a loved one’s bedside as he/she slowly dies are not possible for gay couples in some states. Adopting children is impossible. Having default power-of-attorney is out. Yet and still, gay people have to pay taxes like everyone else. They’re paying for everyone else’s benefits. Ms. Santorum claims she has gay friends who support her father’s campaign and his family values. Right, because I remember when Martin Luther King campaigned for Bull Connor’s sheriff re-election that one time…OH WAIT! That never happened! What gay person would support a candidate who views him/her as sub-human? Maybe you are talking about all the anti-gay activists who might be working on your campaign, who are secretly doing REALLY gay stuff in private, a la Larry Craig? Give names ma’am. I’d love to see who your friends are who are supporting the suppression of their own rights. But you’re sad because Dan Savage redefined your surname into something gross. Well, maybe if your dad wasn’t a bigot, it would not have happened. We’d be calling it Gingrich right now, or maybe Larry Craig Crème. I’m sorry if I don’t cry a river for you.

…New Year. :-D