The Romney Badger

This is the Romney Badger. Watch it talk in slow motion. It's pretty half-ass. Look. It campaigns all over the place. "Whoa, he’s rich!" says that accountant.

Eew, it's head of Bain Capital! Oh! Now it's a governor! No, It's running for President! Oh my gosh!

Oh, the Romney Badger is just crazy!

The Romney Badger has been referred to by the Guinness Book of World Records as the most boring candidate in the presidential campaign. It really doesn't give a shit. So what, you’re poor? It’s your fault. He was born with money. If you’re poor, you have a net.

Eew! What's that in his hand? Oh, it's got the RomneyCare bill! He signed it into law! “This should be a national model”, he said…Oh wait, now it’s the law, but they changed its name to ObamaCare! Now he hates it!

Look at him say that the auto industry should fail. But wait! The auto industry got better! Now he’s taking credit for it! Gross!

Now watch this: This is its support for abortion rights. But the Romney Badger don't care. It just changes its view when it wants a vote. Whenever it goes campaigning, it just – Eew -- changes its views...Watch it whore himself for votes! Look at it whoring.

The Romney Badger is really pretty flaccid. It has no connection to most of America. Look at him, he's just making out-of-touch sounding statements. Eew! What's that? Is that another bad sound bite? [CLIP: Corporations are people too, my friend!] Oh that's nasty. It’s so nasty. Oh look: it's buying companies and shutting them down. Look at it still reaping profits though. Gross.

The Romney Badgers fairly tall, but they’re most know for their thick “Fantastic Four” hair, and, you know, their smiles are permanent, because they’re always campaigning, and their views on issues twist around, depending on what will get them votes.

Now look: Here's a Senatorial race against a Kennedy. Do you think the Romney Badger cares? It doesn't give a shit. It stabs John Lakian right in the back and uses his money to get the Republican nomination. How disgusting is that? It eats its own party members. Eew, that's so nasty. But look! The Romney Badger getting beaten by the Kennedy! Now it gives a shit. It says it doesn’t want to run for something he won’t win again. What a wussy! What a crazy fuck! Look, it’s going back to Bain Capital. 

Now, what's interesting is that the Romney Badger still ran for governor after its Senate loss. It says, "You vote for me, and I’ll promote stuff that I’ll back track on in a few years when I run for President. What'daya say, stupid?"

Look at the Romney badger: "Thanks for the votes, stupids!"

It doesn’t care, and you know what? When it was at Bain, It was like a jackal too. Look at these little industries. It’s like, "Thanks stupid! Thanks for all the profits! Now I’m gonna bankrupt you. No pension for you. See you later!" The Romney Badger gets all the profit while these other animals have to go on unemployment. 

At nightime the Romney Badger goes campaigning, because it's hungry. Look! Here comes a fierce battle between a Jesus Christ Newt and a Romney Badger. I wonder what will happen? Look at this, there's the Romney Badger just pandering to voters, and then look, "Get away from me!" says the Newt, "Get away from me!" Romney Badger don't care. Romney Badger smacks the shit out of it, Except in South Carolina. And the Jesus Christ Newt comes back and it lashes at the Romney Badger. Oh, little does the Romney Badger know, it's been stung! It's been attacked by a Super PAC, so while it's campaigning and -- eew, that's disgusting -- all the poisonous venom is seeping into the campaign. Look at them, you sneaky fucks.

Now the Romney Badger has enough votes for a GOP nomination. “Thanks again for the votes, stupids! I’m gonna make all my friends rich, and I’m gonna fire more people!”

Now it's going to get right back to campaigning for votes and saying whatever he thinks will get him elected, because it's a hollow little bastard.  Look at this! Like nothing happened! The Romney Badger gets right back up and makes shallow soundbites! 

And of course, what does the Romney Badger do for the next two months? Pander for votes.

The Romney Badger.