Ben Carson won Clarence Thomas Cooniest Coon Who’s Ever Cooned Award® yesterday. It was an award held tight by Clarence Thomas himself, and he clung tightly to it like an Orange Lantern or a Gollum willing to throw himself into a molten river of white supremacy to protect the Ring that would Shuck and Jive Them All™.
With one statement in a sea of bullshit (with commentary in brackets], Dr. Ben Carson took the Coon Throne, though:
“That’s what America is about, a land of dreams and opportunity [OK, standard GOP “America’s a unicorn” rhetoric]. There were other immigrants [“Land of Immigrants”? Surprisingly progressive. Go on…] who came here in the bottom of slave ships [What.], worked even longer, even harder for less [What?!]. But they too had a dream that one day their sons, daughters [no.], grandsons, granddaughters [No!], great-grandsons, great-granddaughters [NOOOO!], might pursue prosperity and happiness in this land [YOU COON ASS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!].”
The speech is infuriating. The whitewashing of the capture, transportation, torture, and forced labor of people from hundreds of regions of Western and Central Africa is disgusting. It also negates the Dutch, Spanish, Portuguese, and British roles in stoking divisions INSIDE Africa to start wars between cities and villages and convincing the winners to hand over their POWs. It negates the colonists’ tendencies to take themselves a “colony wife”, voluntary or not, and leave them and whatever children they had after they were called back to their home countries. It negates the outright genocidal nature of the trans-Atlantic slave trade, and diminishes the murderous acts of people like King Leopold II, who murdered 9 million Congolese.
I am not surprised that Carson would be so damn obtuse. He also said that the Egyptian tombs were “grain silos”. He thinks that prison is proof that people “turn” gay. He doesn’t know how thermodynamics work. I knew all of this dumbfuckery before he was appointed Secretary of Black Stuff by 45. Ben Carson is a dumb motherfucker. If you need some babies unstuck, he’s your man. But don’t trust him in a room with as much as a teddy bear with a loose button eye. He will choke and die.
What is really pissing me off is that I TOLD ALL OF YOU THAT REPUBLICANS WOULD WHITEWASH SLAVERY AND YOU DIDN’T LISTEN! Since I was in college, I’d been warning about slavery being whitewashed to be “involuntary immigration”, and since I had this blog, I warned that it would happen! Some textbooks have already whitewashed the Transatlantic Slave Trade to just “triangular trade”. What did you think was next? And what better way to deliver the whitewash that through the mouth of the winner of the Clarence Thomas Cooniest Coon Who’s Ever Cooned Award®? This way, they can marry their "America is a flawless country with no skeletons" rhetoric with their "see? We have one, so we can't be racist" mannerisms.
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