Survivor: DC. The Road to the Next Not-Romney

The latest in Keeping up with the Konservatives: Dun, dun, dun. Another one bites the dust…

Riding the Cain Train didn’t appeal to the GOP since they found out the “train” was actually Cain’s penis, and now he’s out. An aside: “Ginger White”? Really? Could you not find a woman named Pretty McWhiteGirl? You realise they think we’re going to take all their women already, right?

Anyway, the new Not-Romney…er…”frontrunner”…in America’s Next Top Republican is Newt Gingrich. They replaced Herman Cain, who was suspected of sexual harassment and an extramarital affair, with Newt Gingrich, who definitely f***ed someone behind his wife’s back, divorced her while she was undergoing cancer treatment to marry the woman he was f***ing, then subsequently f***ed someone behind HER back and divorced HER to marry the new person he was f***ing.

THESE are the actions of the party who claims family values, who is so adamant about moral integrity. So it’s NOT ok for Herman Cain to have cheated on his wife, but it IS ok for Newt Gingrich to have cheated on multiple wives? In what world does any of this make sense? Moreover, the party of “family values”, who are so quick to restrict the rights of two men/two women who love each other because, no matter what excuses they claim to give for their bigotry, they think this is evil and icky, are holding up these men who have done more to desecrate the so-called sanctity of marriage than Zach Wahls’ parents ever could?

As entertaining as it is to watch the Real Presidential Candidates of Washington, DC, the absurdity of it all, and the public’s somnambular consumption of it as if it were completely normal, is disturbing. What happened to our independent thought? I hope that we start waking up. Vote or die, motherf***ers.

By the way, will you f***ers just admit that you're going to choose Romney and stop stringing along all those other poor candidates?...Except maybe Bachmann and Santorum. F*** those guys.