Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Santorum/Clinton Connection

Rick Santorum has spewed a lot of s*** in his road to the Next Not-Romney...that may or may not be a gross pun. Let's review some of his stalwart statements:
"In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be." -interview in 2003 (I believe this is the quote that brought about the Santorum neologism. Thank you, Dan Savage.)
"I don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money." -campaigning for president in Iowa (January 2012)
"I think the Democrats are actually worried he (Obama) may go to Indonesia and bow to more Muslims." –Fox News interview (May 2010)
"[Gay marriage] is an issue just like 9-11… We didn’t decide we wanted to fight the war on terrorism because we wanted to. It was brought to us. And if not now, when? When the supreme courts in all the other states have succumbed to the Massachusetts version of the law?" –interview with the Allentown Morning Call (February 2004)
"The reason Social Security is in big trouble is we don’t have enough workers to support the retirees. Well, a third of all the young people in America are not in America today because of abortion." –during an episode of "America's Next Republican Candidate" (May 2011)
"The idea that the Crusades and the fight of Christendom against Islam is somehow an aggression on our part is absolutely anti-historical. And that is what the perception is by the American Left who hates Christendom...What I'm talking about is onward American soldiers. What we're talking about are core American values." –campaigning for president in South Carolina (February 2011). If you recall from your middle school history class, the Crusades were when Christian kingdoms decided they had a right to invade and take over Muslim-controlled territories to fight the "infidels" and gain back the "Christian holy land"...so it was basically the definition of Christendom fighting against Islam.
 "I think the Democrats are actually worried he (Obama) may go to Indonesia and bow to more Muslims." –Fox News interview (May 2010)
"The question is — and this is what Barack Obama didn't want to answer — is that human life a person under the Constitution? And Barack Obama says no. Well if that person — human life is not a person, then — I find it almost remarkable for a black man to say, 'We're going to decide who are people and who are not people." -CNS News interview (January 2011)
"President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob!" -Americans for Prosperity Tea Party event in Troy, Michigan (February 2012)
"If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual (gay) sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything." -AP interview, speaking on the Supreme Court decision on Lawrence v. Texas (2003)
Well, you can make the argument that if she doesn’t have this baby, if she kills her child, that that, too, could ruin her life. And this is not an easy choice. I understand that. As horrible as the way that that son or daughter and son was created, it still is her child. And whether she has that child or doesn’t, it will always be her child. And she will always know that. And so to embrace her and to love her and to support her and get her through this very difficult time, I’ve always, you know, I believe and I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you. As you know, we have to, in lots of different aspects of our life. We have horrible things happen. I can’t think of anything more horrible. But, nevertheless, we have to make the best out of a bad situation. -interview with Piers Morgan (February 2012)
I think you get the point. The man has a talent for saying the most conservative thing and incite that vein in the back of your eye to twitch at a frequency that makes it feel like your head explode. There is no way anyone on this earth can be this sexist, homophobic and racist! After all, Jesse Helms has been dead for four years, and Strom Thurmond has been dead for nearly 10. Why is Santorum gaining ground in the polls? He even makes some conservatives cringe!


Then I realised something: Santorum is not running for President. He is vying to be the liberal counterpart to Hillary Clinton. Mention Clinton in a room full of conservatives, and they cringe and spit vitriol about her everywhere. If you say it five times, they actually turn into flying zombie baboons and tear off their own flesh. When the Clintons moved to New York, people actually put signs on their lawn saying they're not welcome there. I thought that it was insane to hate a politician that much. Then came Santorum. I wrote him off after the gay marriage comments, but then he just kept going. The sexist comments, the revision of American history, the veiled racism, the blatant racism, the anti-higher education mantra (all while holding down three higher level degrees), the "you should keep your rape-baby" quote...This man is the epitome of everything I abhor. The thought of him makes me a little sick...and it also makes me think of frothy ass-juice, which also makes me sick. Rick Santorum has positioned himself as the liberal counterpart to Hillary Clinton. I ask the three of you who read this to test my theory: go to a Democratic or Occupy Wall Street rally, and say "Rick Santorum" five times. If everyone there transforms into a slithering water buffalo and try fervently to gouge out their own eyes, then Santorum has met his goal.


Don't worry. Rick Santorum will not be the Republican candidate for President. Thurston Howl, III will still be the final choice. Froth-Money just wants to get something out of this election. That something is notoriety and a permanent spot on a Fox News show.

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