Thursday, February 16, 2012

Things to Do for Black History Month.

The month is nearly over, but there is still time to honour Black History Month. Beside remembering prominent African Americans who helped build this society in which we live, we can get proactive and do things for our community. Here are a few things you can do:
  1. Daze of Atonement
    1. Track down Shawn and Marlon Wayans, Tyler Perry, and/or the entire production staff of “Soul Plane”.
    2. Bind them and punch them repeatedly in the bread basket until they are ankle deep in a pool of their own vomit and tears.
    3. Make them publicly apologise to humanity for the cinematic abortions that they brought to the public.
  2. A Night at the Movies
    1. Go see “Red Tails”.
    2. After having seen “Red Tails”, forgive George Lucas for Episodes II and III, but not Episode I. There is no excuse for that…f***ing Jar Jar Binks…
  3. F*** Chuck Norris.
    1. F*** Chuck Norris and Norrisisms. Replace Chuck Norris’ name with that of Angela Bassett. She is strong, smart, and beautiful. The roles she chooses are always those of respect. She even turned down a role that may have garnered her an Oscar, because she deemed the role demeaning, probably because she was going to have to get butt-f***ed by Billy Bob Thornton. Her self-respect is more valuable than a gold statue. Also, I would gladly let her tie me up and beat me with a cat o’ nine tails…so fine…
  4. Set the Record Straight
    1. Tell a Democrat/Republican politician that Martin Luther King, Jr was, in fact, NOT a Democrat/Republican, and they should stop appropriating his name and legacy for political gain.
    2. Direct them to this quote: “Actually, the Negro has been betrayed by both the Republican and the Democratic party. The Democrats have betrayed him by capitulating to the whims and caprices of the Southern Dixiecrats. The Republicans have betrayed him by capitulating to the blatant hypocrisy of reactionary right wing northern Republicans. And this coalition of southern Dixiecrats and right wing reactionary northern Republicans defeats every bill and every move towards liberal legislation in the area of civil rights.”
    3. When they still insist in claiming MLK, glitter-bomb them.
  5. Culinary Conundrums
    1. Be black.
    2. Tell a room full of black people that you don’t like soul food.
    3. Try to get out of the room alive.
    4. Enjoy your lack of early-onset diabetes, because of your disdain for soul food.
    5. Estimate the amount of aneurysms you will cause come Passover time when you tell the people in the room that you are also Jewish.
  6. Pull up your f***ing pants.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Disqus for The Chronicles of Nonsense