Tuesday, February 27, 2018

What You Deserve After Apologizing for Your Misdeeds

A while ago, a “comedian” posted some extremely harsh things about a friend of mine that I will not repeat here. It was misogynistic, sexist, slut-shaming, and triggering to ANYONE who has experienced sexual trauma. Within minutes, he was banned from most comedy venues, and hardly anyone fucks with him. He apologized directly to the person for what he said, as well as a few of the people who banned him from venues and performances. I’m not sure if anyone responded to him, but that doesn’t matter. Regardless, after a few months, he was back to being a shitty person, claiming he was being marginalized because of his disability while harping about how he had apologized for what he did/said, so it is unfair that he is still banned at most places. Often, he would say something shitty, and when people responded to his shittiness, he would defend himself by saying something like, “And don’t bring up that thing I said, because I apologized for it”, whether anyone brought it up or not.

The past few years have produced is a LOT of guys apologizing for their past actions thanks to people coming forward about abuse they’ve suffered. Now we’re at a point where the question keeps coming up: How long do we punish these people? When is their penance finished? The real question is why are so many people caping so hard for these dudes who fucked up?

For one thing, Most of those “apologies” are trash. They haven’t even scraped the surface of trying to empathize with the victims and actually addressing for what they did. Instead, they are essentially apologies for getting caught, some bad thing that is happening to them right now, and then a reference to the women they know so that they can prove they are not predators.

News Flash: Whatever chronic ailment or issue you have does not give you a pass for shitty behavior. You have a permanently atrophied leg? Sorry for you, Kevin, but what about that leg made you send rape threats ti Stacey? Was it typing for you while you were asleep? Also, the “I have black friends” defense doesn’t work when you say/do something racist, so don’t try to replace “black” with “women” and think it will fly. GTFO. For the few that DO sound sincere, people think that this is an absolution of their past crimes. So you fucked up. Apologize, and apologize sincerely. And what’s next?

You can show you’re atoning by perhaps reading literature by women regarding the impacts of what you did. You could donate to causes that that provide services for at-risk women and girls, or victims of abuse. IF your transgression wasn’t too egregious, you could even volunteer. At the very least, you can examine your behavior, what is wrong with it, and change for the better. And for all of your efforts, what to you deserve to receive?

Not a goddamn thing.

You don’t even deserve forgiveness from the victim you assailed. If they decide to never speak to you again, then so be it. If they request you leave a venue where they are, respect it. You committed the crime. This is your time. Forgiveness is a gift bestowed upon you. After whatever fucked thing you did, do you really think a gift is in order? I don’t punch someone in the face and expect them to come back at me with a bouquet of flowers.

And what of general society? Is there a statute of limitations on how long a person should be publicly shunned by the public? Is it a week or a few months in the digital stockades? Who knows, but anyone decrying these men losing roles and promotion deals because of what came out about them and what they did need to sit down.  Logan Paul made the interview rounds saying he deserves a second chance after his callous video regarding finding a the body of a person who completed suicide. No motherfucker, you don’t. You WANT a second chance. You don’t GET one unless someone wants to give it to you, but in no way is anyone obligated to give you a second chance.

Even if the victim forgives you, that does not absolve you of what you did by the rest of society. The survivors of the Charleston Shooting forgave the murderer almost the next day. He STILL KILLED PEOPLE though, and society deems that a punishable offense, which is why he is in jail right now. Roman Polanski’s victim said SHE forgives him, but he is still wanted. Actions have consequences.

So, men (specifically fuckboiz), if you find yourself in a position where you have done something wrong, remember that the apology/forgiveness cycle is not transactional. Even if you have apologized sincerely for what you’ve done, then you should expect nothing in return. Work on being a better person than continually bringing up the time you apologized for that fucked up thing you did.

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