Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Fall & Rise of Squire Bugiganga

Squire Bugiganga has been kicked off the major project for which he has toiled for many moons. His next assignment is to toil on the project for which he has already toiled for many moons. Does this make sense to you? Has your intrepid nuanced narrator lost you? Perhaps the dialogue will help you:

SHAQSDAD THE DESTROYER: Look, I’m going to level with you: ‘people’ are not happy with your performance on this project, so I’m pulling you from it.

SQUIRE BUGIGANGA: But I did everything I was told to do and then some! I cleaned up the loopholes in all plans and bridged all gaps in the paths of the castles! I don’t understand why I am being pulled off!

SHAQSDAD: Well, ‘people’ are tired of going behind you and fixing things. It takes away manpower from the other things we have to do. Yorick has had to go behind you and correct many things.

S.B.: But the entire kingdom I created worked fine without the ‘corrections’. All you had Yorick do was model the kingdom after what you wished. Had I known you wanted all roads converging, I could have done that in the first place.

SD.D.: It matters not now. The Nobles have spoken. I have a new project for you. You must now train the Squires who have come from yonder on how to take care of the Kingdom you created.

S.B.: But I thought you said I was off the project.

SD.D.: You are.

S.B.: …If I am off the project, then I shouldn’t be training anyone regarding the project. That would make it look like I am on the project.

SD.D.: No, you are definitely off the project. Now, I need you to create and collect scrolls regarding all the work you did on the project.

S.B.: Um…would that not require me to stay on the project?

SD.D.: No it won’t. You are definitely off the project. Moving on, you will collect your salary from the same pot of gold that you have been collecting it. It is the pot specifically for the project.

S.B.: [Migraine sets in]…So I am no longer on the project, but I must teach the Squires from yonder, I must make scrolls of instruction, and I must collect my salary from the same project pot.

SD.D.: When you say it like that, it sounds like you are still on the project. But you are definitely off the project. By the way, when the second phase of the project starts, I need you to work on it. You’re off the project, by the way.

S.B.: …What's the guy's name on first base?

SD.D.: No. What is on second.

S.B.: I'm not asking you who's on second.

SD.D.: Who's on first.

S.B.: I don't know.

SD.D.: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

S.B.: Now how did I get on third base?

SD.D.: Why you mentioned his name.

S.B.: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

SD.D.: No. Who's playing first.

S.B.: What's on first?

SD.D.: What's on second.

S.B.: I don't know.

SD.D. & S.B.: Third Base!

Does it all make sense now, dear reader? Your nonsensical narrator hopes so, then you can explain it to him.

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