Friday, September 9, 2011

Seriously, They're like the Wonder Twins!

Usually for what I am about to write, I’d say that hell has frozen over, but it does that every year. It’s called Watertown [insert rimshot here]! I am about to express what may be construed as sympathy or pity for someone for whom I hold nothing but enmity and disdain. Please let it be known, my dislike for this person still stands. I am just pointing out a blatant hypocrisy that is being perpetuated by everyone from political pundits to news outlets to potential voters themselves…but in the voters’ defence, they (including me) are greatly influenced by the media outlets from whence they get their information. So here goes:

Michele Bachmann is getting shafted by the media.

…Please excuse me while I throw up a little bit in my mouth for “sticking up” for Michelle Bachmann…

The reason why I dared think and type out the sentence that is now burning my retinas and making me queasy is because ever since Rick Perry joined the Republican presidential race, he has been lifted up as a golden boy. He’s very conservative in his views, he has over 10 years of experience in politics but still appeals to the “anti-establishment” Tea Partiers, and he incorporates religion with his political views regularly. Better yet, he’s the “right” religion, unlike Romney, the former front runner. Because as we all know, one brand of Christianity is SO much better than another. Remember when Bachmann was nearly neck-and-neck with Romney a few weeks ago. She had everything: She’s very conservative in her views, she has over 10 years of experience in politics but still appeals to the “anti-establishment” Tea Partiers, and she incorporates religion with her political views regularly. So why did she get knocked off of her top spot? They are almost the same person. Just to be sure I wasn’t concocting this, I snooped around, and when you politically compare Perry to Bachmann, THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON!

I’m sure people will say that it’s because Bachmann just says crazy things. There are so many ridiculous things she has said and done, from insinuating that G-d used Hurricane Irene to punish the North-eastern liberal elitists to siding with birthers (then acting like she never did when she decided to run), to claiming that carbon dioxide is not harmful (I always say, if she believes it’s not harmfull, then let her sit in a room pumped with nothing but carbon dioxide for 3 minutes and prove it), to saying “Shutzpah”…every time someone mentions that gaff, a baby Jew dies…I’m sorry, baby Moshe. Also, her hubby is a “pray-away-the-gay” counsellor. He is also using Michelle as a beard. As photogenic as she is, she forever has a look of wonderment in her eyes that cats get when you flash a laser pen dot onto a surface.

The people who bring up the “Bachmann is crazy” defence need to look more closely at Rick Perry. He called the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico an act of G-d. The BP Oil Spill, that, from the beginning, was KNOWN to have been caused by faulty equipment and horrible safety measures of HUMANS. His book Fed Up! Is chock full of unfounded opinions regarding climate change, which has been confirmed by a ridiculous amount of scientists from all over the globe to exist, and that most of the recent climate crises ware the effect of human activity. His views on Social Security being a Ponzi scheme…well let me just say that even Karl Rove says his remarks are toxic…KARL F***ING ROVE! Let us not forget, this is the same “great American Patriot” who insinuated Texas seceding from the Union!

Perry is just as insane/inane as Bachmann. They are almost the same person. What’s the only notable difference? Perry has a penis. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want EITHER of these people to get elected to the Worst Job in the World, but I suspect the sudden love affair with Rick Perry is the result of inherent veiled sexism in this country. It’s not just the individual supporters. The spin doctors on whom we depend to give us the news are guilty as well. Ever since Perry entered the race, they automatically switched gears from highlighting Bachman and blatantly ignoring Ron Paul to pitting the two Captain Hairdos of the GOP against each other. If you cover only two people, of course they’ll take the lead in polls! I don’t want any of these candidates to be president, but come on! Be fair to ALL of them, based on their views and policies, not whether they have to sit down to pee or not!

…Please remember, this is NOT an endorsement of Michelle Bachmann. If I wanted to deal with that type of insanity, I’d talk to what little family I have again.

1 comment:

  1. In keeping with this nation's thinly (think Extra Pleasure by LifeStyles Condoms thin) veiled sexism, perhaps Bachman could look forward to a sweet deal if one of her insane GOP brethren gets elected--like Secretary of the Interior or Homeland Security Fascist or some (Home)Economic subcommittee.

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