Thursday, September 1, 2011

99 Problems...

It is going to be a long weekend, filled with sexy dance fighting, a Troca de Cordoes, and BIRFday debauchery. Let this tide you over until next week. If I wasn't single before, I definitely will forever be after this post...I'm not doing the third verse, because I WOULD like for girls to talk to me in the near future.

If you having Darth problems, I feel bad for you son.
I got 99 problems, but a Sith ain't 1.
There’s a Rancor under this trap door,
He wants to suck the marrow out my femor
I tried to rescue a chick wearing Clone clothes
And she’s all like, “Ain’t you a little short for those?”
I’m just try’na get her off of this robot moon
And get a tour of Alderaan…too soon?

I’m from the planet where there are no girls and two suns.
Where I could only go out and shoot wamp rats for fun.
I left to join rebels and become a Knight.
Trained by a green muppet who don’t talk quite right!
My black dad cut off my good hand
An orphan, ‘cuz my aunt and uncle burned to ash
I got clone storm troopers straight tailing my a**
And the rebel leader’s a giant squid-slash-sea bass!
Got tongue-kissed by my sister, just like John Voight’s son
I got 99 problems, but a Sith ain’t 1. Hit me!

99 problems but a Sith ain’t 1.
If you having Darth problems, I feel bad for you son.
I got 99 problems, but a Sith ain't 1.

The year is long ago, place far away
hopped in my landspeeder, tried to get away.
There’s a check point; do I slow down or (hmm)
Bounce on the clones, put the pedal to the floor?
Now I don’t want a laser gunshot to the face
Plus Old Ben said, “Yo, I can handle this case.”
So I, pull over to the side of the road:
"Son do you know why I'm stoppin’ you for?"
‘Cause he’s young, I’m old, and no one thinks,
‘He just met this dude and now he’s going with him for drinks,
at some seedy bar where the band and clientele stink?’
"Good point, but I need to see whose droids those are;
License and registration and step out of the car -
Are you carrying a light sabre? I know a lot of you are."
I ain't steppin’ out of shit, and sabre’s unlit
"Well do you mind if I check out those droids a bit?"
Well my bots are mine, and furthermore,
These are not the droids you are looking for.
"I’m suddenly convinced! You some Jedi or something?"
Well I wear a brown robe in this desert sun
Nice talking, but you just want us to move along.
"*--You know what? I just want you to move along."
See? 99 problems, but a Sith ain’t 1. Hit me!

99 problems but a Sith ain’t 1.
If you having Darth problems, I feel bad for you son.
I got 99 problems, but a Sith ain't 1.

99 problems but a Sith ain’t 1.
If you having Darth problems, I feel bad for you son.
I got 99 problems, but a Sith ain't 1.

...Seriously...what the f*** is wrong with me?

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