Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Open Letters to My Loved Ones


Dear Republican/right-leaning friends,

Yes, Barack Obama won another term in office. This means that he will be the President for another 4 years. It does NOT mean that the devil will open up earth and swallow America. Barack Obama is not the Anti-Christ, nor is he hiding where he was born, nor was he ever a closet or open Muslim, nor is he a closet communist/socialist/fascist who plans to put his detractors in gulags to silence them while he forces your children into pre-arranged gay marriages. Your candidate lost. That’s what happens in a democratic republic: one side loses, and another side wins. It is not the end of the world because your side lost. The hyperbolic emotion you feel? That is a s*** taco, like the one that liberals had to take when George W. Bush was elected, then re-elected. Claiming Obama is anything more than the man leading the country for another 4 years is silly...I guess you can say he's an a**hole if you like, but can we keep the insults to that? Besides, the Presidency is only 4 years long. The geriatric death panels and weapon disarmament programmes and demon-run totalitarian city-states that you prophesise would take a lot longer than 4 years to implement and get running to that magnitude that you claim. He’s had 4 years, and has not so much as conjured one Islamo-devil. It’s not going to happen. What WILL happen is that he is going to retain his duties in the worst employment position ever, he’s going to age another 10 years in less than a decade, and he’s going to endure the same political bickering that he has since he first started politics while trying to do whatever he can to lead this country in a better direction, whether you think that direction is the right one or not.

Dear Democratic/left-leaning friends,

Yes, Barack Obama won another term in office. This means that he will be the President for another 4 years. It does NOT mean that he gets to steam roll over the House and the Senate and implement the agenda he promised us back in 2008. We do not have a golden ticket to get everything we want now. There is still a divided Congress, a right-leaning Supreme Court, and silos full of money from shadowy groups who put out more false propaganda than a Soviet era poster maker. Obama is head of the Executive branch. He cannot write laws and run them through Congress. He can SUGGEST laws in a write-up, but it is STILL Congress who works and passes them, and all he does is sign them and enforce them. The President has the worst job in the world. He will not be able to fulfill all your hopes and dreams, and if he fails at getting one or two things accomplished, that doesn't mean he ignored your needs and spurned you. Look at how much he has done so far. Still, there is no way one man can get everything you want done in 4 years, or even 8 years. Barack Obama is not Superman. He is a human, just like you. Treat him like one, not a messiah. Hyperbole in the positive shouldn't get too ridiculous. Also, a victory lap is always nice, but don’t berate your right-wing friends. Remember 200 and 2004? Remember those s*** tacos we had to eat? They are eating them right now, and it when you gloat to them too harshly, it’s like dumping cod liver mayonnaise on the tacos before they eat them. It wasn't the end of the world for us, and it won't be for them, but if you keep waving it in their face, it will feel like it. Don’t be a d***.

Dear Everyone,

Yes, Barack Obama won another term in office. This means that he will be the President for another 4 years. Now, let’s all be honest with ourselves: it doesn't matter if he’s a registered Democrat or Republican; when you think that you are qualified enough that you can be the leader of the Free World, your political party is “Whore”. At that point, you are so awash with money from so many different places, there is NO way you could have gotten there without bending on some of your idealistic principles. There WILL be back-deals. There WILL be tit-for-tat (he he…tattooed tits. Yum). He will do his job, and he will push an agenda, but let’s stop acting like the motivation is solely because he believes so much in a certain cause; there is a secret backer somewhere. This is the way the world works. I have friends who think there is a secret society running things. Here’s a news flash: The Illuminati is MONEY. THAT is what is running things. I hope that our President does as good a job as he can in the remaining time he has, but I also know that he is doing what he needs to in order to “pay back” those who got him into that position. This is the way of our world. Because of this, if there is a cause about which you feel so passionate that you pulled a lever or hung a chad or tapped a touchscreen for the person who you thought could help bring it to fruition, then you need to get up, get out, and do whatever you can to make it happen. Voting is the first step. Now go act. NOW! Stop reading this!

Love,

Me.

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