Sunday, November 4, 2012

The Collected Angela Bassett Facts

These are Angela Bassett Facts. I created them because f*** Chuck Norris. Also, Angela Bassett has been 30 for the last 20 years. She’s a badass. Enjoy:

  1. Angela Bassett is the darkness that Chuck Norris is afraid of.
  2. ‎During the Vote or Die campaign, Angela Bassett was the person P. Diddy sent after you if you didn't vote.
  3. Isaac Hayes was just talkin’ ‘bout Shaft, but Shaft is talkin’ ‘bout Angela Bassett.
  4. Angela Bassett let the Baha Men’s dogs out.
  5. Angela Bassett has to wear sleeveless shirts in federal buildings, because there is a ban on concealed guns.
  6. When Angela Bassett jumps in a pool, she doesn't get wet, the water gets Angela Bassetted.
  7. Angela Bassett needs no beard.
  8. When Angela Bassett does a pushup, she doesn't push the earth down; she pulls it up.
  9. There is no sign of life on Mars because Angela Bassett has already been there.
  10. Angela Bassett wears sunglasses to protect the sun from her eyes
  11. Angela Bassett doesn’t look at cool explosions, no matter how much they beg and plead.
  12. Angela Bassett turned down a role in Monster's Ball when she realised they wanted her to play Halle Barry's role and not Billy Bob Thornton's or the electric chair that killed P. Diddy.

  13. Angela Bassett is who New Hampshire sends after you if you decide to not live free.
  14. ‎There are two things you see before you die: Angela Bassett's arms, and the floor.
  15. ‎Angela Bassett was the Others in Lost.
  16. Angela Bassett is multi-lingual, and can speak fluent braille.
  17. Angela Bassett was born in a log cabin she built with her own bare hands.
  18. ‎R. Gatling 1st named his gun the Bassett gun, but too many people died from the mention of it instead of the bullets.
  19. People think the name "Angela" is an homage to angels. Truth is angels are an homage to Angela Bassett.
  20. People were enraged when Angela Bassett wasn't cast in "X-Men" as Storm, but she was: as the lightning.
  21. Angela Bassett doesn't defy age. She tells it to stay right at 33, and it listens.
  22. Angela Bassett won "The Voice" using sign language.
  23. When monsters go camping, they sit around and tell Angela Bassett stories.
  24. 100% of the 47% who don't pay income taxes still pay taxes to Angela Bassett.
  25. Angela Bassett is the only person who can hear you scream in space, because she will be the one to make you scream.
  26. After Dolly Parton's, Jolene tried to take Angela Bassett's man. Angela Bassett didn't beg, though...RIP, Jolene.
  27. Snoop changed his name because Angela Bassett is after him.
  28. Angela Bassett is the Force that Jedi really wish were with them.
  29. When Angela Bassett does bicep curls, the weights get stronger.
  30. Angela Bassett won "So You Think You Can Dance" sitting in a chair.
  31. "Gangman Style" was invented by Angela Bassett. When she was 3.
  32. The only reason Era is @ChuckNorris approved is because Angela Bassett wouldn't sign onto that s***.
  33. All the boys come to Angela Bassett's yard WITHOUT the use of sugary dairy products.
  34. Angela Bassett can slam a revolving door.
  35. Angela Bassett fought the law and she won.
  36. Angela Bassett rides on top of planes, standing, so cracking open a few windows is no big deal to her.
  37. Angela Bassett taught Cali Swag District how to Angie. They renamed it the Dougie...Cali Swag District is now dead.
  38. Angela Bassett talks about Fight Club, but no one at Fight Club dares to talk about Angela Bassett.
  39. When you're at an intersection, Angela Bassett has the right of way no matter if she's there or not.

1 comment:

  1. One glimpse of Angela Bassett can cure all forms of cancer. But such a high dosage of awesome is always fatal.


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