Dear Rochester,
Once again, you
have chosen Wegmans as the Best
Place to Take an Out-of-Towner in the City
Newspaper. Once again, I am confounded that you would make that decision,
considering absolutely everything else in Rochester that would impress an
out-of-towner that would not make you look like the ominous homicidal local in
the beginning of a teen horror flick who would think that the best hangout in in
his town is the local gas station. I have tried incredulity, I have tried tough
love, and now I think I know what the issue is. Rochester…is Wegmans hurting
you?
I ask, because I
also noticed that “downtown Rochester” was a runner-up for “Best
Local Eyesore”. Rochester, who told you that you were so unattractive? Sure,
you’re going through some changes, but you are NOT an eyesore. My home town is
under construction all the time. This is how cities exist and thrive. Is
Wegmans telling you that you’re ugly? Don’t listen to him. He has no place to
speak, especially with that giant robot rooster that crows on the hour at the
East Avenue location or the death trap parking lots at East Avenue and Monroe Avenue.
You tell Wegmans that you ARE beautiful...though I am not sure why they don’t turn
those hills of dirt in the inner loop into an adult slide park. THAT would be a
place to take an out-of-towner.
Wegmans
has been around for 100 years in Rochester. I’ll bet Wegmans told you that
this is a big deal. You know what’s a bigger deal, though? The home of America’s premiere
Suffragist. It’s been here since 1866. Susan B. Anthony was arrested in the
front parlor in 1872 for voting. That is much deeper than selling fruits and vegetables.
People’s freedoms were in the balance. Speaking of people’s freedom, do you not
realize that Frederick Douglass
resided here since 1843, and you can trace his movements and activism all
over town? Sure, he can’t give you day-old sushi, but you can definitely see
everything from where his former residences were to where he’s spoken against
slavery to where he is buried. Both of these things predate a grocery store,
and they are way cooler. Don’t let Wegmans tell you different.
Wegmans
probably boasts about how stacked he is. His newest buildings are always touted
as major architectural feats. Are they “Frank
Lloyd Wright” feats, though? Because the Edward
T. Boynton House is designed by Frank Lloyd Wright, one of the
world’s greatest modern age architects, and it is a stone’s throw away from
a Wegmans, and simply its façade is more enthralling than the cookie cutter
design of all of the Wegmans strewn about the city. Also, I am sure that Mr.
Wright didn’t have to force
smaller businesses out to make way for construction of the House.
Perhaps if
Wegmans were only in Rochester, I might see why you would think that he’s the
best place to take an out-of-towner. But here is the thing, Roc: Wegmans has
been seeing other cities for years. There’s a Wegmans in my hometown
of Baltimore, and he keeps creeping farther south. Perhaps you think that
Wegmans is all for you, Roc, but Wegmans does not feel the same way. Why would
you stay in such a lopsided dynamic? Also, it is just a grocery store.
The bottom
line, Rochester, is that Wegmans may not love you as much as you love him. Don’t
chase waterfalls. Speaking of waterfalls, while you were wrapped in Wegman’s
hypnotic gaze, you may not have noticed that THERE IS A WATERFALL
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY. How often does that happen? Thus far, I can only
think of perhaps Tolkien’s Middle Earth and Dinotopia. You are magic, Rochester.
Stop short-selling yourself to your guests. You should see other things, Rochester.
Wegmans definitely is.
When I first moved
to Rochester 8 years ago, no one suggested that a grocery store was the best
thing that Rochester has to offer. If they did, I would have immediately packed
my bags and left. Wegmans is a very nice place to get food, but the best place
to take an out-of-towner? Yes, but only if the out-of-towner is starving to
death, and even then, the hospital should probably be the first stop you make.
You can tell me if Wegmans is hurting you and forcing you to say it’s the best.
Let me show you what else Rochester has to offer.
Love and
Concerns,
A Baltimore
expat.
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