An Ode to the Pope of Penn State

A week in review: Jerry Sandusky is charged with child rape that allegedly happened on Penn State’s campus. Gary Schultz and Tim Curley, senior VP for finance & business and athletic director respectively, were also arrested for trying to cover up the incident by not going to the police and simply banning Sandusky from the locker rooms. This way, he couldn’t rape boys on campus. He’d have to find somewhere else to rape them. The president of the university, Graham Spanier, and the famous head coach, Joe Paterno were both fired for their knowledge and subsequent lack of legal action. Mike McQueary, one of the first individuals to report Sandusky’s actions to his superiors, is now getting threats for his role in indirectly ending Joe Paterno’s lustrous career.

Oh Joe, we loved you so…That bastard McQueary ruined your career, by telling the truth. How insidious of him, to report an EGREGIOUS crime, and think that you would do something about it. Thanks to McQueary, you’re now out of a job. Oh, woe is Joe. How dare those victims of rape by one of your coaches break their silence in the grand jury presentment? There’s no telling how many more silent victims are out there, possibly suffering from the psychological trauma of having their innocence ripped from them. Their hope for a normal childhood is dead, much like your chance of getting a pension from Penn State...too soon? Does it hurt that I bring this up? Does it hurt as much as getting sexually assaulted in a shower? Poor, poor Joe. Poor rich as f***, regionally loved, will-likely-make-more-millions-off-a-book-of-his-memoirs Joe. Even the students of Penn State, always ready to burn s*** and overturn cars in the name of sports, protested your firing by turning over a news van. The evil media as again struck. Those demons reported the truth, and now Joe is gone, unjustly, for not doing what he should have done: calling the police. Even Ashton Kutcher was on your side for a few minutes, until someone reminded him that you helped cover up alleged CHILD RAPE. Oh Ashton. You are only half as smart as your Kelso character, which you’ve been portraying for 10 years straight now.

But back to Joe, the Pope of Penn State. What EVER shall you do? Where EVER shall you go? Your tenure is null and void. Your life is ruined. Those nasty board members could have let you retire with honour at the end of the season, as you professed to do. Way to take one for the team! You would have “shortened” your 46 year career with a cushy nest egg and a pension, but no, Joe, this won’t be so. You should look on the bright side though: at least you’re not one of the eight boys (probably more) who were sexually assaulted in the Penn State shower locker rooms by a man that you thought you could trust. You at least have that going for you. You’re just one of the many “men” who could have stopped the alleged crime, but didn’t do a thing. You spent all that time doing nothing to keep the reputation of your beloved sports department and university intact. Because if we learned anything from the Catholic Church, keeping quiet about sexual abuse and simply shifting around the perpetrators will NEVER eventually catch up to you. That modus operandi is so sound. It’s like putting a cobra in a basket and not telling anyone, and then when someone opens the basket and the cobra rapes a boy, you’re all aghast.

Poor, poor, Joe. Before you were furloughed, you said, "This is a tragedy. It is one of the great sorrows of my life. With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had done more." Is that because your inaction led to more boys being harmed, or because you lost your precious pension, and now you look as culpable as the rest of the people who let Sandusky allegedly get away with wanton sex crimes against minors? You tried to hide the truth, possibly so that your school’s good name would not be tarnished. That would have been honourable, had it not been for the fact that you were probably covering up CHILD RAPE. Your honour and your school’s honour would have stayed illustrious, had you grown a pair and went over people’s heads when they did nothing…unless, of course, you were part of the conspiracy to hide. Then you can go f*** yourself. Besides, you needn’t worry about the school’s image being tarnished. The students of Penn State, who took to the streets in anger over your firing, and not over the child rape victims, bathed the Penn State image in vats of Santorum. Your silence is not golden after all.