Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Almost Tuesday 12/07/2015: Just the Facts



In this episode, we talk about facts.

WOODY: What have you got for us today, Chris?

CHRIS: Just the facts, Woody.

WOODY: “Just the Facts”? What do you mean?

CHRIS: Well, did you know that back in August, Ben Carson said this of slavery: “Actually slavery was the best thing that could have happened to us. Because of slavery blacks were brought to America we met the Christian faith. We met Jesus Christ. If it were not for slavery we would all be in Africa,hanging from trees and worshiping Allah. God always get's it right!”

WOODY: WHAT! That’s outrageous!

CHRIS: Yeah. Too bad it’s not true. That came from a parody news site that regularly just makes up things and publishes them. That didn’t stop a LOT of people from sending it out without a second thought.

WOODY: Well, that’s a relief.

CHRIS: Yes, Barack Obama blamed one of the shootings in Virginia this year on white privilege.

WOODY: What? That doesn’t sound right

CHRIS: That’s because it’s another fake quote! He never said anything like that. COntrary to popular belief, Obama doesn’t talk about race as much as people claim. More people talk about him talking about race than he does. That quote was just another parody site’s machinations.

WOODY: Why do people believe these things?

CHRIS: Who knows? Why would Ted Cruz claim that the federal government is trying to for boys and girls to shower together in public schools?

WOODY: OK, I get it. That’s a fake quote, too.

CHRIS: No, that was real. He said three days ago.

WOODY: That is terrible.

CHRIS: Yeah, Ted Cruz is quite terrible. That said, there is a lot of false information going around about all of the candidates, and it is a little bit disturbing that so many people actually believe the fake news.

WOODY: So I noticed. What is up with that?

CHRIS: Well, I think that in this climate, people who dislike a certain candidates seem to be willing to believe whatever bad thing is attributed them, so they latch onto every negative anecdote and quote, whether it’s true or not.

WOODY: That’s an interesting idea. Kind of like how you believed that Kara eats food out of the back of Arby’s trash bins? [I INTERRUPT YOU KIND OF]

CHRIS: AHHH. Ahem....

WOODY: Oops.

KARA: Hey!

CHRIS: Anyway, I have figured out a way to parse the truth from the garbage on the internet.

WOODY: That’s great! What is it?

CHRIS: I found a website where you can enter the suspect quotes and facts and learn if they are real or bad satire. It’s called “Go Ogle”.

WOODY: Um...I think you might be mispronouncing that…

CHRIS: No! It’s definitely “Go Ogle”, as in go and ogle the facts. It gives you a list of websites that will tell you if that story about pedophiles wanting equal rights after the equal marriage won is a true story. It’s not, by the way.

WOODY: Well, that’s great, but what about those fake sites? Wouldn’t they be listed in a...um...”Go Ogle” search?

CHRIS: Yes, that’s why it is important to use a tool that is inherent in all of us. It’s called, “THINK, DUMMY!” It involves using critical thinking to figure out what sounds to bad to be true.

WOODY: I like this, “Think Dummy”, idea. SO actually using common sense before repeating a bad rumor. Do you think this would work?

CHRIS: It’s a little bit out there, but I think it would work. You don’t need to rely on second-and third-hand information and drivel from satire sites to make candidates look bad. Just wait for them to say things on their own! You can go to their websites and get enough material to dislike them. And if you’re in doubt, “Go Ogle”.

WOODY: So...Kara probably doesn’t eat out of an Arby’s trash bin?

CHRIS: No. That’s probably true.

KARA: It’s called Freeganism, and I’m tired of you making fun of it!

CHRIS: You’re going to get food poisoning!

KARA: YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER!

CHRIS: I DRIVE A TOYOTA PRIUS!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Disqus for The Chronicles of Nonsense

Follow by Email